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Silly really, but this has been on my mind every now and then, in amongst dealing with the hurt he caused over decades of marriage. At first I was thinking I couldn’t be bothered with the faff of changing after I divorce him, different surname from the kids etc…
Now I’m wondering…
Like I said, silly really, in that it seems a little insignificant to all the other problems I’m dealing with right now…
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I started reverting right away and found it empowering. The only real problem/expense was the passport. For this I needed to wait for divorce papers. I also told my son that I was doing it and it had nothing to do with him that it was my decision. I know my ex took it badly but that’s not why I did it. I just wanted to distance myself from him in every conceivable way. It’s not insignificant and in many ways helped me to come to terms with the change. Change can be a good thing. Painful endings are often a sign of new beginnings👏
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Some are easier than others. The tax office were first then I has correspondence with my maiden name from an ‘official’ source. Council tax, doctors, dentiast, gas, electricity, library card etc. All quite easy and with each one I felt a little freeer. See how you are feeling because you will need to use your energy where you get most results.
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I opted not to change. People assumed I would – he told me I had to!! Maybe that’s one of the reasons why I didn’t!
It’s a personal choice. My friends know me by my married name, I share it with my daughter.
I think my main reason not to change is my maiden name is incredibly unusual and therefore very traceable. My married name is very common and I know three people in my circle of friends and in my work who share the surname along with my fist name! I can hide away from him by sharing his name.
Do what feels right. Your name doesn’t define you – you do -
Thanks White Rose, I had thought too that I have same name as my children, my friends know me as my married name, professionally too it might be a pain. Its still a musing at this point, something to distract from the other painful memories coming up at the moment; something that is looking forward. I think I’ll decide once the divorce goes through. My gut will let me know what to do – I’m trusting her more and more.
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I’m going through the divorce process now and I will be keeping my married name. My kids are my family and I see them as no part of him as I see the name I have now. His name is so much prettier than my maiden one too and easier for people to understand when I talk on the phone lol. When the kids hit the legal age i’ve talked to them about changing it but they don’t like that idea as I said my maiden name is not nice x
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Hi Sunshine,
You can change your name without being divorced. When I initially googled it there were companies advertising. I then found the official gov website and you can actually self declare. It’s a sinple statement that you declare that you are changing from old name to new name, sign as old and new and have it witnessed by 2 people. If you want/need (some places wont accept self deed poll) to put it through the courts, is a similar format and a fee (£36). Its put in The gazette – not sure if that might be an issue for some trying to stay under the radar as its a publicly published document (there’s a link to it on the enrollment forms page where you can see (actual) examples of name chamges published) though no address/regions for eg are given.
If you are divorced you don’t need to change by deed poll, only show your decree absolute to banks, licence etc.
Google “gov change name” & chose the link that is gov.uk
Still of two minds – and think I was letting it distract me from more important things I need to move on with.
Good luck! Xx
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