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I have an event coming up which my child needs me to attend but runs the risk of his dad also attending and therefore being in the same room as him. People try to be helpful saying I should turn up looking fabulous and show him what he’s missing or ask what he can do to me in a room full of people. They just don’t get the powerful, visceral reaction that occurs at even indirect contact from him. However, although the reaction is still very strong and immediate I think it has changed from pure fear to one more like revulsion. I feel defiled by him looking at me or by reading his words. His very energy is so repulsive to me and every fibre of my being wants to stay a long way away from him. I think this is a sign of progress and that I’m now experiencing feelings which are appropriate to his actions instead of suppressing or internalising them. I’m feeling stronger and can clearly see him for the disgusting, spiteful little man he is.
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I think so, PP.
Someone said to me ‘You know you’re getting better when you start feeling angry.’ It’s true. The heart-ache, sense of bonding and nostalgia turns to anger and revulsion.
You’re doing great, PP. If you see him there, just remain a graceful swan, and give him no direct contact. You don’t need to look in the other direction: just focus on a point above his head if he talks to you.
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