This is a bit of a random post but I heard Rihanna’s song ‘complicated’ this song a few years ago and it captured what I was feeling at that moment. Eventhough I’m out of denial now (but still with him), I had a flashback of some of the lyrics and I can still relate to parts of the song such as:
“You’re not easy to love, no”
“Why is everything with you so complicated
Why do you make it hard to love you
Oh I hate it
‘Cause if you really wanna be alone
I will throw my hands up ‘Cause baby I tried
But everything with you is so complicated
Oh why”
“Sometimes I get you
Sometimes I don’t understand
Sometimes I love you
Sometimes it’s you I can’t stand
Sometimes I wanna hug you
Sometimes I wanna push you away
Most times I wanna kiss you
Other times punch you in the face” <<< (although I DARE NOT to – ever!)
Sounds like trauma bonding. Which I’m in.