Risk homelessness or stay with him?

[bluedolphin]

I know it will seem like I’ve been posting here for ages and simply ignored people’s advice – mostly to get help from Domestic Abuse charities and leave him. I can’t say how much I have appreciated the advice and support.

I just feel terrifed of being homeless, and unfortunately live in a council area that doesn’t fund domestic abuse support well. The local womens aid have now said they think I can have an IDVA (only after I asked a few times) but the IDVA in my area doesn’t help you with housing. I live in an area where the councils do everything to get rid of you rather than house you including lying to you.

I can’t leave him with nowhere to go and a refuge would only be postponing the inevitable. I feel like I’d rather give up on everything than be homeless. I’m also so scared of going to an unknown area with no money, no possesions, and bad health.

I can’t go to the police because they will arrest him and then I’ll have to leave straight away. I wouldn’t feel safe staying because he would be furious. He also pays for everything so I couldn’t stay, and waiting for eviction would only delay things.

The same reason – can’t have police involvement or I’ll end up homeless – means I can’t now do a full risk assessment with an IDVA. Doesn’t seem any point anyhow if they can only suggest a refuge

I know I should leave. I don’t feel safe and he seems to be trying to push me over the edge. I don’t know if I can take much more and I also know that I’m at risk of more violence. I just don’t know what to do because I also wouldn’t be safe homeless.

[Lisa]

Hi bluedolphin,

I hope it is helping you to post. It can help to work through your thoughts and worries on here to others who understand about what you are going through.

Your concerns of becoming homeless are valid but hopefully with the support of an IDVA and support agencies this would not happen. Keep reaching out and find out all of your options. Keep asking the professionals questions and lean on the support around you. It takes a lot of courage to reach out for support and to put your trust in someone with such huge decisions but they are there to help you.

Your safety is priority and I am concerned for you. You deserve to be able to live your life without fear and violence. Please do keep posting when you can.

Best wishes,

Lisa

[freedomtochoose]

Hello there, my thoughts are with you this morning.
I can completely understand your thoughts about refuge, I had a friend around the same time as I went to refuge and they didn’t want to go.

However, I feel (and please forgive me if I am wrong) – if at all possible in this difficult time that you are able to find a few minutes to think about your fears of going to refuge. What do you imagine it will be like?

There may be a choice as to where in the country you can go. Is it possible to go somewhere you would really like to live and make a new start? You may find that services are easier to access when and if you do, simply because you should have a support worker.

Looking back, our journey as hard (I have a child too, which often kept me going). But I do not regret it as despite having rough times, everything is better now.

Big hug
ftc
x

[freedomtochoose]

And btw I’m sure all of us would say it doesn’t matter a jot how long you have been posting.
The main thing is, you are still here, and we are hearing your voice..

[Tiffany]

I would risk the refuge. Like you I left to financial insecurity and with poor health. I ended up losing my job and moving half way across the country to live with my parents. I don’t regret any of it for a second. The relief that living without abuse, the improvement in my health now I am not under continual mental torture, is worth everything I lost. Obviously there is stress in the leaving and in the uncertainty that brings, but it is nothing to that which our abusers subject us to.

[freedomtochoose]

Yes Tiffany is right, I would say. It is amazing what can happen when you cross that bridge. You may well feel exhilarated and it may well give you a new energy to tackle what comes next. And at the very least I am sure you will sleep better, which helps everything.
all best
ftc
x

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