Romantic relationships after abuse

[Littlelemon1234]

I successfully left my SA and EA partner earlier this year and haven’t gone back. I’m really proud of myself and so thankful for all the support.

As I think about my future, I know that I don’t want another relationship for a while and I’m happy on my own. But I worry I’m now really hyper vigilant about men and their behaviour and I find it difficult to trust. I just don’t want to fall into the same trap, I’m currently receiving counselling which really helped.

Has anyone else felt like this? If so how did you overcome it?

[Headspinning]

I don’t haVe the answer but I can relate to how you feel.
I have met someone else and am at the very early stages. I’m some ways I’m experiencing all the good stuff and it’s making me feel good about myself. In others I am looking for red flags.
I guess I am just going to try and not rush in, maintain boundaries, watch for red flags but equally try to enjoy it.
I’ve given him some insite to the background to help him understand why I may have so trust issues but haven’t fully disclosed.
I suppose it’s about learning from your experience whilst not being totally jaded and not assuming every person in future has negative intent!
But yes – I do worry about my own judgement. If he is too nice is he love bombing?! If he doesn’t answer me quickly is he deliberately pulling away – I over think everything!!!

[Recall]

Littlelemon1234,

I understand where you come form and your thought process because it was much like mine. You should be so proud of yourself for how far you have came and taking this time to focus on you does always mean you will be hyper vigilant with men. I won’t lie, when I first started dating after leaving him, it took me quite a while to love myself and trust myself rather than anyone else. You progressively get there after time but don’t rush yourself. It’s okay to be cautious about men because when the right one that comes along, he will support and care for you enough to understand your reservations as well as understand that he will earn your trust and comfortably rather than it being something that is just given. Your taking the first steps of restoring you and how you feel in yourself. Take this time to believe in you again because honestly just having the strength to remove yourself from a relationhip/situation like that shows your wanting to love yourself again. Don’t ever hate yourself over wanting to make sure it’s right before making a commitment to someone again because it’s okay to be vigilant to make sure it’s what you want.

[Author]

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