Rubbish day yesterday

[hop]

My youngest wants to stay with his dad. I suppose I’ve driven him there by not backing down on my punishments and not allowing him any games consoles. He has no punishments round there.
Elsewhere I’m finding it impossible to say anything negative about this man, or even think n it. Self harm is the only thing I know. I feel like I’m going insane but every time I think of him as bad in any way I want to severely hurt myself!
I’m finding it hard to cry and I really need to. Last night I could feel myself going, she’d one tear and that was it! I’m sick of everything!

[hop]

Can’t believe how bad I’m feeling 😭 I feel drained, this therapy is taking a huge toll on me. I can’t cope with anything happening but at the same time I can’t stop worrying. I’m shaking like a leaf and I’m dreading what s**t is going to come next. I can’t be bothered washing, or wearing clean clothes, I’m totally miserable. I feel like nothing!

[confusedallofthetime]

No. No no no. Not pathetic. Please, please give someone a call – Samaritans? have you been in touch with Women’s Aid by phone? You need support, you are NOT pathetic.

You have not done this, someone has done this to you.

[Lisa]

Hi Freedomfries01

I just wanted to show you some support. Sorry to hear about how you are feeling. I can see that confusedallofthetime has given you some really good advice, I agree that it may help to give Samaritans, your GP, your local service or the National Domestic Violence Service a call.

You are not pathetic at all, you are so brave and strong. You have been through so much.

Take care and let us know how you are doing

Lisa

[hop]

My little one stayed away because he thought I didn’t want him. I pushed him away because my feelings are horrible. I don’t know what to do. I feel a little bit better but I hurt myself in the place I need to get rid of the sensations. I’m in such a high state of anxiety that nothing normal is getting through.
Thanks for your replies. I think there’s something I need to write and get it out before I speak to anyone but it’s really personal and about parts of body that I can’t even visualise it whilst I’m typing what it is I’m talking about.

[Author]

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