Rude, selfish and entitled, how have I lived with this for years?

[Headspin]

Nobody else to sound off to, so for my sanity I’ll come on here. I have been working several days in a row, long, strenuous days. I’m nearly on my knees when I come home. This evening not long after coming home I was sorting through some housework and asked if he would do a couple of things himself, as I am exhausted, not an essential job, but he likes this particular thing done and it just benefits him. He hasn’t worked in years, is not in great health but is capable of light tasks, so there is literally nothing for him to do at home. He was sarcastic and nasty when I asked if he’d do this job himself. He then asked me (when I was in the middle of housework) if I would do something for him, something he could do. I said no, he could do it, or ask our son. He hurled abuse at me, slammed around, putting stuff away roughly to make a point, punearly breaking things. Claiming that he’s the sick one etc. So I walked away, disgusted with him. He follows me, asking me why I’m so aggressive and nasty, it’s just unbelievable. I have lived with his vile attitude for so many years, I’m not sure how much more I can take.

[KIP.]

You don’t have to take any more. You’re working and can function independently from him. Talk to a solicitor about your entitlement. Take small steps towards freedom. My abuser put so much stress on me that I couldn’t work. Looking back it was deliberate x

[Headspin]

If only that were possible. I just wanted to sound off. Nobody else but women who have suffered abuse would understand the madness that goes on here

[KIP.]

I understand and I once felt trapped too but I made it to freedom. My abusers dad abused his mum until she was old and sick and I promised myself I’d get out well before I became so vulnerable because they see vulnerability as a weakness and exploit it. Try to build a support network and do some research into what would really happen if you ended the relationship. It might change your mind. My ex always said I’d get nothing which was a lie and when I went to a solicitor and realised my position was a lot stronger than he ever said it game me courage to keep going towards freedom x

[ladiesand gentlemen]

I have the same problem, breaking things in a terrible tantrum this morning, then wants me to tell him things like normal by this afternoon
its always about him, whatever happens he feels sorry for himself. Every single time, whatever it is he feels sorry for himself, despite the fact I am having a terrible terrible time at the moment.
the slightest thing that happens in day to day life is a major drama to him, whilst my daughter and just get on with things.
Try to remove yourself(in your head) for now, its NOT YOUR fault, and that little voice that tells you its wrong is always right, protect yourself and your child(your a lioness)
Take care x*x

[Headspin]

Kip that’s so heartbreaking to hear that your abuser’s Dad abused his mum until she was old and sick. Unbelievable! I’m glad you escaped.
Ladies&gentlemen, horrible way for the day to start for you. That banging, breaking and slamming about is them making a point, who knows what goes through their sick heads. I’m sorry you’re going through a tough time at the moment and that he makes it about him. Yes the mental detachment helps, I’m so much stronger after counselling. But he still manages to get to me sometimes.
My son is an adult is a dependent who loves his Dad and is so used to his outrageous that leaving would mess him up.

[gettingtired]

I feel your pain, I’ve come home from work before to piles of washing up still there (he doesn’t work) but God forbid I complain about it if he’s in one of his moods. I don’t bother. I read something in Lundy Bancroft’s book about how with a non-abusive person you can at least put your foot down a bit with them helping with household chores. With an abusive person though, they’ll either ignore your request or make you pay for it. It’s so true!
I agree with trying to remove yourself in your mind but I end up feeling like I’m disassociated from the world when he starts up. It’s so difficult isn’t it? Xx

[Headspin]

Gettingtired, Lundy Bancroft is spot on. Horrible for you to come home to washing up when he’s at home not working, so unfair. The times my husband has helped around the house, I’m given a guided tour of what he’s done “for me”. Yes, you’re right, we do get to the stage where we don’t bother asking them to do some housework, what’s the point if they’re so nasty.

[Author]

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