19th March 2020 at 9:11 pm #99562
Would like to know what other rules women have had to follow in order to keep controlling parttner happy
I was made to feel a wh**e if I
Wore nail varnish,wore clothes that didn’t cover my bum and cleavage, at one point even sandals were forbidden.
I was not allowed gym out with certain friends,to parties u less it was a child party he moaned if I went cinema he even moved out (detail removed by moderator).
Not allowed to certain areas,in restaurants he would seat me so he could see what and who I was looking at.
No beeping in car because I’m not a man
He used to hate bringing me food and said things like I’m working all day I bring myself food and I have to bring it for u 2
Wasn’t allowed to know he’s family who live abroad until he was ready
If I stayed out late in summer and I mean at mums house he would 9 times outa 10 be distant especially if he knew I was in a good mood
He made me work when he wanted me to
Then stop when he wanted me to
But I don’t think he has ever cheated or has he took my money but he wanted to know what I was spending on and I had to hide the fact I was buying cigarettes because I wasn’t allowed to smoke anymore because it’s not allowed
And what makes me mad is sometimes I think we are now getting divorced because I moaned a little or shouted sometimes about mess oh gosh
Come one ladies tell me your rules that what put in place by these monsters
19th March 2020 at 10:34 pm #99568fizzylemParticipant
He made me work more in general, he didnt see it was his responsibility to do anymore than pay a small amount to the bills, so if I wanted a family holiday I had to put in the extra hours to make it happen. He wouldnt cook, period. He wouldnt clean up, he’d occassionally put a hoover round when asked, but it was never done properly. I could see friends and family, but if they ever came to the house he would make it obvious they were not welcome; he refused to spend time with my family period. Apparently my standards were too high – which is riddiculous, I’m very laid back and out of all my friends the least house proud and materialistic. I wasn’t permitted to spend, but he was. I just wanted normal things – but this was wrong apparantly; I wasn’t allowed to watch sh!te on the tele and everything I watched was apparantly sh!te; and he didnt believe in spending money on us going out, on gifts, christmas and birthdays – or doing anything for that matter, or in romance; he did believe in going to gigs with his friends though, or going out with them – and I was certainly never allowed to join these nights – no way. Gosh, it’s pretty sad when you write it down isn’t it, makes me think why did I put up with it for so long? But then it creeps up doesn’t it, one new rule at a time and these were always prone to change too of course lol x
19th March 2020 at 10:57 pm #99570
Yeah my abuser wouldn’t spend time with my family he was above them apparently and got angry if people associated him with them
He was a bit different towards the end giving maintenance for the little one and paying just the gas and electric bills well he had always paid the gas and electric and sometimes the internet he would always do things to make me question his abuse but when I write down his rules it’s clear I was being abused
19th March 2020 at 11:33 pm #99575Laughagain2020Participant
Hello ladies I to was not allowed friends,could not go to the gym,swimming,cinema,or do anything on my own,he pushed my family and friends away from me,would control me,couldn’t buy anything without his permission, he was moody,miserable,very antisocial,couldn’t watch anything on tv regarding men,when we went out for a coffee,my back was to the public so all I could see was him and the wall behind him,never told me he loved me,I could not go out on my own,couldn’t go for a walk,i had to ask him for money,always wanted to know if I made contact with the outside world,he went through my phone,wouldn’t let me go to my granddaughters birthday parties,or my daughters hen do,he would say if I looked at a man its classed as having an affair,didn’t take me out to pubs or restaurants and the list goes on and on,to the outside world he was a true gentlemen kind caring very thoughtful but I had to live with all of this and more, so ladies out there get out of your relationship if he just shows any type of abuse,all I did was love him,in return I got abused,leave and don’t look back,zero contact from these abusers will make you stronger,because of my partners insecurity and jealous behaviour I had to pay that price but not anymore I’m free to live again xxxxx
20th March 2020 at 6:52 am #99579OnlyintimeParticipant
Lay in bed all morning every morning with tea brought to him while I got up with kids. I did all night feeds but not allowed a nap when tired. He said to have a nap but in the same breath would huff so i didnt bother. Was too soft on the kids. Said I was allowed out with friends but made it so difficult I didnt bother. Allowed to work but moaned so much that I didnt see enough of the kids in my 3 hour shift so gave it up. Moaned and moaned about smoking so I gave it up. Patronisingly made to go for smears protesting it was for my health. Checked daily ro make sure I had taken my medication under pretense it was for my own good. Told what I thought. Woukd go to his family house and leave kids with him but was phoned after a short time to tell me the kids were going mad. Ie get home. Told I’m uptight and miserable ever day. Dinner and bath had to be on for when he gets home.finger ran across top of tv looking for dust. Not allowed to sleep with my kids. These are all things that were never said in the way of “your not allowed” but more if I did any of these there would be an issue so I suppose you learn to know the rules. The list could go on
20th March 2020 at 3:44 pm #99595
Who do these men think they are it’s disgusting when u look back over what you’ve wrote now it’s no wonder why we are called survivors
23rd March 2020 at 8:00 am #99684OnlyintimeParticipant
It’s odd. He never says the words your not allowed but I know by now what he means. Then I sit and wonder if it is my perception of everything. I have learned from the moods that follow as to what the rules are. The rules 🙄.
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