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    • #8668

      Does anyone know what the safety advice for child contact with a Perpetrator is?

      My primary aged child may have to see him unsupervised. I am fighting it, but if it happens I want to be prepared.

      How do you do handover safely?

      How can you prepare the child? What plans can be put in place?

      It gives me the shudders to think of my child alone with him. Its really scary …. come to think of it how do you cope when they are with him??? I am sure I am going to be so anxious.

    • #8671

      Omg. I have never been in this situation. I would speak to the police and to the social workers and convince them about how dangerous he is. I would involve my local MP and make the biggest fuss ever and write letters even to the ministry of justice about how my child is deliberately put in danger – had I been in this situation. I would fight like a lioness. x*x

    • #8684

      Contact social services and tell them all of your concerns if they are not already involved. I have found them very supportive in the past. You can also contact the NSPCC for advice. The thought process is changing now that because the man has abused the woman and not the child that they are two separate things. It is now understood more the effect that an abuser has on a child and that they can suffer emotion abuse too and worse. Speak to your local Women’s Aid and see if they can recommend legal advice from someone who specializes in DV.

    • #8721
      Main Moderator

      Hi I want to break free,

      You can ask your solicitor to arrange a ‘contact contract’ that can be put to a judge to approve along with the contact order. In this contract you can list specific actions that you want to happen or not to happen in order to safeguard your child; e.g. not to leave your child with any other person, not to use abusive language about you.

      This contract should also include detailed arrangements of the handover arrangements. You may feel it necessary to use a third party like a trusted friend or family member to do the handover if you can. If you have to do it yourself it’s important that you have as little contact as possible with the perpetrator, so you could consider meeting in a safe public place or at contact centre so that the perpetrator does not have to come to your home.

      There is a lot of useful information about family law and child contact on the Rights of Women website;

      If you would like to talk to a support worker in confidence about your situation you can call the 24 National Domestic Violence Helpline on 0808 2000 247.

      Kind Regards,


    • #8754
      Twisted Sister

      Hello I want to break free

      i am sorry to hear you may be facing this. It is very scarey and i feel for you as i went through the same.

      you can, if you don’t have a solicitor, simply make a list to give to the judge as the basis of the contact.

      After all, what contact should be allowed that includes being abusive or neglectful, or being drunk or not bringing them back on time, or speaking badly of you to them, or leaving them with others and so on.

      Even more important get it recorded somewhere how you go about reporting any breaches, and what will be done!! As mostly nothing much is done very sadly, nothing at all in fact, but at least if you have his signature agreeing to these things its a start.

    • #8755

      Thanks for the advice. I am fighting it and hope it wont come to that but knowing how it has gone thus far I think I can only fend off the evil day for so long. Can I give my child a mobile phone for emergencies etc. My fear is that he will shout or scare her and I want her to be able to call for help. She is primary school age. Obviously I would make sure NET access was on enabled etc

    • #8762

      Hi Hun

      Yes give your child a mobile so they can contact u if they need to, i did same, tell s s what your fears r , get them to support u and have supervised contact put in place , keep contact just for hour to begin with and build up as your child feels comfortable

    • #8821

      It all depends what he is wanting and what is decided.
      If there are overnights involved school is a good place for handovers. ie one parent leaves them off and the other picks them up.
      For ones where you have to do yourself pick somewhere that you feel safe. If you can get a third party to do the handover all the better.
      I always let mine talk or not talk about their father. I imagined him as if they were talking about one of their friends fathers.
      So when they had fears or nightmares from overnights we could find a way they would feel safer using their imagination.
      He wouldn’t let any contact happen when he had them, saying that it upset them too much.
      It was b****y hard

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