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    • #12812
      Starmoon
      Participant

      He used to always call me crazy, nuts, say I’d lost the plot.. Live in lala land- that I’m not normal… Constantly say ‘any normal person would… Etc etc’. Whilst I was pregnant and shortly after our baby was born this used to really effect me. Not only were my hormones raging but I just couldn’t get my head around the situation with him. I came in here so often and was so low and hated myself so much that at times if I wasn’t pregnant I’d have taken my life.
      I’m so glad I battled threw but I’m still not able to be without him. I know what’s rite… Things got so bad for me that I had a brake down, cmht were involved and I now have a support worker and I’m on a list fit phycological therapies. I’ve managed to build myself back up allot too. And I now believe I’m not crazy or any of the things he said. He stopped saying it for a while after we started counseling things got better and seemed to realize his mistake but suddenly he’s gone back to saying it’s all me and I’m crazy and I need to change

    • #12813
      Falling Skys
      Participant

      Hi and hugs starmoon

      So proud of you getting through a breakdown.

      I think they want to drive you mad it’s part of them looking the good guy/victim to other people.

      I had my doctor send me for a mental assessment last year and was told I wasn’t mad it wasn’t me it was him, though I do have PTSD due to living in an abusive relationship.

      Stay strong don’t doubt yourself.

      FS xx

    • #12818
      godschild
      Participant

      I have all of these things said to my, Im mentally ill, need commiting, live in fairy land and the latest , asked if im hearing voices in my head telling me about the abuse. He used ot say I have a personality disorder, and then started to to say that to our Son as he got older. He has said eh will get two Doctors to commit me, made pretend phone calls to supposed Doctors , he even was yelling at me in the street last year and asked a Police Officer to commit ME !
      I have been assesed by a trauma team, recently sawa CMHT phyciatrist , attended A and E when totally distraught and not one of them said I was mentally ill. So his next ploy is to keep telling me that I have pulled the wool over their eyes and they have missed something.
      I suffer long term agoraphobia and monophobia and general anxiety which do not make me mentally ill, I ve had several breakdowns over the years and I know that his behavior has contributed to them.
      They all want to say we are mentally ill to cover their own disgusting behaviour.
      I ma unable to leave due to my disabilites and understand exactly how you feel , you know these labels are nonsence and that its classical for abuser to call you them but it does grind you down.
      I am told that I need to change and that nothing in this home will change until I do, he even says that others agree with him, this is ficticious just to give himself back up when I challenge him who , he cannot answer.
      I am suffering post menopausal hormone upsets and can understand how you felt in preganancy, he just says my hormones are an excuse. You are NOT crazy and it is not your fault in anyway, his words are typical of an abuser.

    • #12835
      Serenity
      Participant

      Hi Starmoon,

      They certainly drive us to despair and breakdown with their abuse, yes.

      But it’s them who is mentally unhealthy and sick. It is them who cannot care for others, are pathologically centred upon themselves and are unstable, yo-yoing in their behaviour.

      It is them who has a desire to hurt, to constantly go round the abuse cycle, grooming and then abusing, leaving, abandoning then trying to hook us again. It is them who has no sense of shame or conscience about how their behaviour affects others, even their own children.

      My ex told me that our family ‘wasn’t a normal family.’ Of course it wasn’t- he was in it. Of course, he’d never accept he was the offender. But normal dads go and cheer on their sons at football, don’t they, not whinge about going and then, when they do, tell their son how rubbish they are at football; normal dads plan exciting things for their kids at weekends, not keep them bored and neglected and understimulated, nor do normal dads tell their children they wish they were dead. Yet mine did- and he still thinks it’s everyone else who is abnormal!!! Even to his day, he criticises everyone else! Yet no ones ever said such things to him!

      They will never admit fault. Ignore your abusers lies. He can’t or doesn’t want to accept responsibility for his abuse, so he’s trying to blame you. Accepting you gave abused takes true courage, and true courage is something these bullies lack.

    • #12849
      godschild
      Participant

      Thats is so true Serenty, made me laugh when you said of course the family wasn’t normal he was in it

    • #12921
      Starmoon
      Participant

      Thank you once again for your replies. So much rings true from what you’re saying, it always has to be honest but allot of the time I’ve either been in denial or blamed myself. (detail removed by Moderator) after telling me I was making incorrect assumptions about things and how I’d got issues and he basically embarrassed me in public by shouting at me. He later told my daughter while she was whining over something ‘you’re just like your mum’ in an aggressive tone and then laughs. My child looked confused and I said ‘you are like me, kind, loving and Just a nice girl’. I them told her to stop whining because it was just making her unhappy etc. she’s still young and I don’t want her having a negative view of me or herself. He then told me I was impossible, said did I have any idea how stupid I was making myself look always assuming he was digging at me. He was fuming I’d defended myself and turned his negative comment into a positive.

    • #12923
      Starmoon
      Participant

      And (detail removed by Moderator) when I tried to have a hypathetical conversation about me going out and him maybe one day looking after the kids… He initially says yeah if I gave him notice, so I remind him he doesn’t ever give me notice.. And then he tried telling me I could only go out on days he said, when I asked why I wouldn’t be able to go out on a (detail removed by Moderator) he told me I’d f**king got my priorities all wrong because he had work early morning and that and the kids should come before me going out. Well when he put it like that… Of course I wouldn’t go out and expect him to do night feeds If he had to be up for work in the early hours. Hell.. I’ve never once asked him to do any feeds never mind night ones and that all of the times wether he’s working or not. So my priorities are not all wrong but when I dare to defend myself he says all the usual cr*p

    • #12925
      Starmoon
      Participant

      I’m remembering more… (Sorry to go on) (detail removed by Moderator) when he said I was being unreasonable he was actually the one doing that. I felt I had to defend my character to my daughter to which he took offense and then he started saying how he really didn’t like one of my closest friends and how he’d never be happy with me going out with her alone. So then I had to defend her too and when I just tried to avoid discussing it all together, he called me weird.
      I’m not weird, I just didn’t like how he was disrespecting my friend and at the mere I cling that I didn’t agree with him, he was getting angry.

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