Scared I will go back

[JaneEyre]

I did it! I left him! Even went as far as walking into a local police station in my pj’s and waiting two hours to be seen. I held my nerve and repeated in my head over and over….you can do this, you can do this. Third time lucky. Well that’s just this year.

After numerous failed attempts to leave spanning over (detail removed by moderator) and 2 children I finally left him.

He has never hit me. Ever. But I knew deep down the way he was treating me wasn’t right.

He put me on a pedestal. Never complained about my weight, house work, meals, money nothing.

Instead he would excuse his insane jealousy as love.

He loved me so much he said if I ever tried to leave him he would rather kill us all then himself than be without me.

The final straw after years of checking my phone, emails, Facebook etc and keeping me awake for hours on end during the night for his usual questioning about what I had been ‘up to’ended on (detail removed by moderator).

He ‘fake punched’ me in front of my friend and my (detail removed by moderator) daughter.

Then laughed hysterically in my face when I had a panic attack and couldn’t breathe.

‘You stupid cow’ as if you would ever think I would hurt a hair on your head.

There is a warrant out for his arrest.

I know I have a long, difficult road ahead and I pray I stay strong this time.

Because I always go back. Every time.

Please god let me find the strength to see this through.

I just want to be happy.

Feeling scared, yet hopeful.

I can do this.
I can do this.
I CAN do this.

[White Rose]

You absolutely can do this! Make it permanent this time. Think of your safety and that of your child (ren).
Well done
Xx

[JaneEyre]

Thank you for your kind words of support. One day at a time, I will get there.
Xx

[Crest of a wave]

Hi there,
I left (Detail removed by Moderator) ago, and was supported by some fantastic people,was then bombarded with communication from him saying he will change, have therapy, counselling, crying etc, then my child became ill and needed medical attention and my child pleading to give him another chance, I ended going back, and discussing the problems of the abuse, he was apologetic, cried, etc, the usual.
Now I feel that I have been pushed into a corner emotionally, let those people down massively who gave supported me, and I know deep deep down that he will not be able to deliver the changes he needs to make
I feel a fool, I’ve only been back a couple of days, and I am so confused by it all.
I want to be happy, I don’t want to upset my child to the point they become ill with stress of it all ( he’s not a young child)
He is now trying to be nice, which I what I expect because he will tell me what ever it takes for him not to lose everything

Glad to hear that you managed to get out janeeyre, stay strong,

Hugs

X

[JaneEyre]

Hey there,
Despite (Detail removed by Moderator) his has continued to bombard me with text messages begging me to drop the charges and take him back. He sends soppy YouTube videos of love songs, pictures of us altogeher as a family. Texts the older children relentlessly trying to manipulate them to get to me.
In the past there has always been a reason to go back, the last being I left him (Detail removed by Moderator) then felt so guilty about him waking up alone with me and the kids that I took him back as he cried down the phone that he would get help. Nothing changed. Tried kicking him out (Detail removed by Moderator) months later by packing his bags but then he threatened to commit suicide to again, I fell soft and took him back.
This time I am determined to stick to it.
He will NEVER change. EVER.
Yet he continues to hound me day and night. Nearly (Detail removed by Moderator) since I walked into that police station and still no arrest has been made.
I was advised to look up trauma bonding and that is what made me finally realise I have been in a toxic relationship the whole time.
I’m living hour by hour at the minute. But it’s still better than how I felt when he was here.
I will continue to take each day as it comes but making positive steps to keeping him away by visiting a solicitor and getting our home valued.
Just because you have gone back this time does not mean there won’t be other chances to finally make that break.
You will know when the time is right.
You will get free of him I’m sure of it.
You just have to do it when it feels right for you and the children.
Don’t give up.
Thinking of you.
Xx

[Tiffany]

Well done for staying out and moving forward. Can you block him from contacting you? Maybe everything except email? It’s less intrusive than text and social media etc and would give you a bit more headspace. The less contact you have the easier it is.

[lover of no contact]

Well done JaneEyre,

Yes do not let his words into your head as that will weaken you. He knows the pattern that he can tug at your heart strings or frighten you that he will harm himself so that you will go back. If one tactic doesn’t work he’ll try another. If you block him on everything then he can say whatever he likes, try whatever he likes but it won’t affect you. Contact with him strengthens him and weakens you. But the opposite applies too.

And keep posting here as you need. These 2 things will ensure you don’t go back, imo.

One Day At a Time is a great way to do it. It worked for me. Sometimes One Hour At a Time was needed.

You can do this and it is so worth it!
mark on a calendar each day you have No Contact you have with him, day 1 etc. You’ll see how fast you’ll come back to yourself.

[she-ra]

Well done Lovely, you are FREE! Agree with everything the other posters said, stay strong, you can do this and it is what is best for everyone, imagine all the possibilities of the wonderful things you can do, the life you can have now. Good lukc lovely and take it each moment at a time. x*x

[JaneEyre]

Thanks everyone,
I took the advice and blocked him off everything except email.

Today has been hassle free and it felt truly liberating.

He emailed me tonight….(detail removed by moderator)

I didn’t click on the link. Just immediately pressed delete.

I haven’t verbally spoken to him or replied to any messages (detail removed by moderator)

I can feel the old me returning a little bit more each day.

I packed all his belongings into suitcases today.

My parents are going to drop them off where he is staying so I don’t have to see him.

I’m already feeling more positive about tomorrow knowing I won’t be bombarded with text messages.

I thought about the future today. I let myself imagine what it would feel like to go out and not have to wonder if he would turn up. What it would be like to get home and get into bed without the 7 hour questioning and scrutinising of my every word.

I CAN DO THIS
I CAN DO THIS
I AM DOING THIS

My heart and head feel lighter.
Thank you again to all that have commented.
You give me more strength than I could ever explain.

Goodnight
A feeling positive….
JaneEyre xx

[Tiffany]

Glad that blocking him helped. It’s such a feeling of freedom, knowing that he cannot text you. If it starts up again – these men can be really persistent – he might change his number, text you from other people’s phones etc, then I can highly recommend getting a new number and only giving it to those you trust. Hopefully you won’t have to though. I also set up a new email address, which I set up all my vital stuff to, so his messages basically go into my spam account, which I don’t have to check so regularly.

[SunshineRainflower]

Well done for getting out and reporting him, it takes a huge amount of courage to do that and is genuinely terrifying. You did it!

I second the others in saying keep him blocked so his words can’t get in your head and confuse you. These types of people are master manipulators and he’ll really ramp up the tactics now to get you back. Look up ‘hoovering’ on google and youtube as it shows this process really well how they’ll use all sorts of tactics to weaken your resolve. No contact is the only way.

If he does create new numbers etc to message you (my ex did this) then save messages as evidence then block those.

What helped me was to read up on abuse because I was then able to see all of my ex’s behaviour objectively. I saw it kind of like an anthropological experiment seeing how much of his behaviour fitted the patterns I read about and it was eerie how all of it did, as if he’d gone to ‘Abuser College’ to learn the tactics. Also journaling, art therapy, daily walks, support groups, the forum, talking to people who understand, my local domestic abuse team and samaritans all got me through. Now the thought of ever seeing him again makes me feel sick. It gets easier and you’ll get there.

[freedomtochoose]

Jane Eyre just wanted to say I salute you.
We often get criticised for not making a break as soon as we start realising what’s happening
but ladies on here know it takes incredible strength, resourcefulness and sheer heroism (was going to write heroineism but that just sounds weird lol).

Would second Samaritans on 116 123 freephone,
they do not always understand about domestic abuse but will listen
all best
ftc
x

[she-ra]

So pleased it’s more positive and helping you grow stronger each minute you are free. Keep going honey yo can do this x*x

[Author]

Posts