Scared I will stay trapped

[Secret6]

Really really scared. I had this idea that because I have some money I would be able to just go to an estate agent and get a rental property but the more I read the further away this seems. I’m being told that they want references – I have no way of supplying this. I have no job. No employer to vouch for me, no friends, no family, nothing. I am at the end of my tether worrying about this. He has isolated me so skillfully I might be trapped forever. Help me please someone, tell me how I can do this please. I just want to quietly move on into a new life, don’t need to take up a Refuge place or local authority I can afford to rent. Why does it seem so hard?

[tiredofitall]

Hi, I wish I had direct experience but I wonder if citizens advice can help you work out what your options are. There are local offices and I think they help with this sort of thing.
X

[sweet4]

Same here, you have my life, exactly the same, but i have beeen living in my bedroom for (detail removed by Moderator) weeks now, i dont have money so he will be loving every depressing day, i have, now hes taken my car and i cant even get to a supermarket.

[browneyedmum]

I read somewhere on these forums about women who have been able to make discreet phone calls to estate agents to get referred to their DA specialists who might be able to assist with advice there.

[Ricepudding]

Hi I can fully understand I have been sleeping in the spare room now for some time I to do not want a refuge place. It started out lovely looking at places to rent but who can afford nearly 1000 pound a month rent with out bills. I’m so tierd I just feel like there’s no way out. He has won again. I feel like I’m back at the beginning. I’m on repeat. That was exhausting I don’t have the energy to do it all again. Sending you much love

[Secret6]

Yes, I absolutely know how you feel. I feel hopeful sometimes and then crash down again. The only advice/support available appears to be when you are actually homeless. I don’t see why I should make myself homeless. I really do not understand why it should be so difficult to find somewhere to live. It has been a shock. There is much sympathy and kindness on and around this forum but the lack of practical advice that is available is terribly disappointing and it seems unsurprising that many older women just give up. Honestly, I feel like I am just hoping he gets ill and (detail removed by moderator), and I hate myself for this.

[Lifebegins]

Hi Secret6

You mentioned earlier you have money. Landlords will often accept tenants without references if they can pay rent upfront for a period of 6 months (the shortest length of long term tenancy). Lots of people come from abroad and do this as they don’t have jobs or references. And then in another 6 months you pay upfront again and so on.

If you are not working, you can claim universal credit for your housing element without your Landlord being made aware, so could be saving for the next 6 month payment from your benefits. Or you may get a job with your newfound freedom.

My motto on my journey (I’m in the same age bracket and out a while now after long marriage) is ‘where there’s a will, there’s a way’. Sometimes it’s been extremely hard to find it but don’t give up!

Stay strong and sending you a virtual hug 🤗 xx

[Secret6]

What if they don’t accept me though? What do I do then? It’s easy for someone who has succeeded to say “where there is a will, there is a way” it’s wonderful that you succeeded and I’m happy for everyone who does, but (detail removed by Moderator)

[Ricepudding]

Hi secret6 I here you I don’t want a refuge I don’t want to de homeless I have worked all my life to have the things I’ve got I’m not lucky enough to have things just handed to me I work now and rental p*i es are massively heigh all I want is a place for me and my things to be safe. I have no friends as he has skillfully isolated me. I have been saving a little money each month of my wages without him knowing which scares the s**t out of me if he finds out. I wish I had the answer to give you but I so tired and exhausted and yes I feel so alone because I feel like I’m just going around in circles so I hear and feel your pain x*x take care secret6 x*x

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