Scared the kids want to live with him.

[Scarecrow]

Its really hard for me to even type this but i am really scared that my kids want to go and live with him. I currently have the kids all the time, he has them one evening during the week and alternate weekends. I don’t want to say too much as i don’t want to give myself away but he doesn’t quite have the space for them yet but might do soon.

I just don’t know how to handle this – emotionally more than anything else. I called his bluff and told him that if he wanted more custody then he would need to take me to court, but did tell him that i had evidence from a domestic violence charity of contacts with them. Since then he is being super nice to me, even though he was fuming that night.

One of my kids can’t stand their dad and barely tolerate staying with him, one of them is the typical golden child and one of them has a reasonable relationship with him but prefers time spent with me.

All three of them have told me at one point that they are scared of him, that he shouts too much, he makes them have long drawn out conversations that make them feel uncomfortable (nothing inappropriate but basically circular conversations about things they have done wrong and how he advises them to fix it).

There are so many reasons that i don’t want him to have more custody – i don’t think him having more custody is good for the kids mental health amongst other things – but at what point do i take what the kids want into account? Typically he is going through one of his better phases where his mood is even and he is actually being nice to them all, which i am sure is contributing to them wanting to spend more time with him. If he was a good, consistent dad then i would have no issue with splitting the time – but he’s not.

Im so conflicted,

Scarecrow

[maddog]

I’ll PM you.

[Author]

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