Second hand noise!

[Anonymous]

Hi I am away & wondering if anyone else experienced being around an abuser with a warped sense of noise? I wonder if this was all part of his controllng or just he had a very serious mental health problem, I think the latter! The following he did over a decade, Myself & son couldn’t do anything or he’d react,he’d go into yet another verbal onslaught. He pulled carpets up, upstairs & nailed all the floorboards down, bought heavy duty underlay as the floorboards creaked, he turned heating off as it was too noisy, kick the fridge as it was too noisy, throw stones at garden birds because they annoyed him. My breathing was top noisy, I couldn’t look at a book as it was too noisy turning pages, my son couldn’t colour in as the crayons were too noisy, I couldn’t text on mobile silent keypad as was too noisy, I couldn’t even sleep without his anger at my snoring, clocks were banned even silent ones! He would go crazy at the wind blowing, tell me it was second hand noise that annoyed him, same with the rain! The car was too noisy, running a bath was same! I got so I dare hardly do anything as knew anything he’d get angry at & scold saying “Do you have to, you fn sell know I don’t like 2nd hand noise” He also heard things that were not there would ask “Did you hear that” was no noise so I’d usually say “Did I hear what” Angrily he’d say “No you wouldn’t would you you’re gone in the fn head” The craziest bit of all is that his own noise never bothered him, he worked with power tools, had TV on loud, mobile phone keypad noise on & he was on it constantly! I could not even eat without being ranted at for eating too loudly yet he was the noisiest eater I’ve ever heard. It may sound odd but I’m wondering if this kind of thing is normal with abusers & noise or if it was just my abuser. He made it impossible to do anything without fearing a verbal onslaught just for doing normal things. He used to go crazy at the washing machine, the vacuum cleaner, My pet bird He was utterly cruel to, the bird couldn’t even eat millet without him basking his cage, He used to tell me one day I’d come home & find it dead! We quute literally lived in silence prevented from doing anything as it was fury from him over 2nd hand noise. Is this something anyone else has experienced?

[Serenity]

Hi Blueberry,

My ex was really noisy. Wherever he was, he’d fill the air with his loud voice, his music turned too loud to be enjoyable – yet he couldn’t tolerate anyone else’s noise. He barked at my kids for having the TV on, he couldn’t tolerate listening to anyone’s music but his own, and he’d give me dirty looks for daring to make the slightest noise as I put the dishes away.

My ex resented us having the heating on. We froze so often. I think he thinks these utility providers should give us energy for free. He’s paranoid, thinking everyone’s out to make a mug of others. There’s no balance.

My heart broke when I read in your other post how your son hid in his room. My eldest had begun to do that. At first I told myself it was his age, then I realised he was trying to keep away from my ex. He just couldn’t cope being in the same space anymore.

[Anonymous]

Hi Serenity, my heart breaks too, we are away, my son is now adult & still lives with me, bless him He says that man only mildly annoyed him, He is not my abusers son but was just a young child when we lived with the abuser, I was constantly on egg shells 24 /7 my son was a fluent reader at a very young age, he used to fall asleep reading books, his bedroom was above the front room, I’d always know when he was asleep as you book dropped on the floor, Our abuser would tell out fn kid! As my son got older he knew how exhausted I was & my son bless him would often cook for himself, he loved doing it too, would always say mum do you want some, He often was in the middle of doing something when that vile man came home, he would not say a word to my son but say to me out loud “does he think this is a fn restaurant, does he have to chop onions so noisily” etc just every single noise related thing he kicked off big time. My son also had a TV in his room, again no one else could hear it, only our abuser, again he would say to me, “tell him to turn his TV down, he always referred to my son as him! He went months ignoring my son just gave him filthy looks, would bully him though by name calling & he played in my sons emotions terribly to the point he’d reduce him to tears than call him a wimp for crying, The abuser himself never cried even when he lost close family k
members. Xx

[Author]

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