Second therapy session no good

[HopeLifeJoy]

Hi, my  session of therapy did not go well. I went there very agitated, nervous and not wanting to be there, but had to in order to receive my anti-depressant prescription. One thing I dislike intensely is when the therapist asks me how I feel, how I felt about the last session, how I feel about this, that… I mean come on! Can’t she ask me how am I doing like every other normal person and move on! It makes me really angry, it’s none of her business what goes on inside me, I cut the session short, cancelled my next appointment and started taking meds today and I’ll see if they can calm me down.
I am not sure what to do. If I stop the therapy I am scared to continue further down into my loop of anxiety-anger-depression-feeling good.
But just thinking of going there makes me really angry. I basically don’t want to talk about it. It’s too complicated. It’s just too much. One thing I appreciated in my abusive relationship is that he never bothered to ask me how I feel. He was so concentrated to attend his own self and I was happy that he didn’t focus on me.
Now this therapist is putting all the attention on me and I just hate it. I can’t bear it, I don’t like it one bit. There must be another way to recover.
Can you get better without talking? Is there such way, do you know any?
I am so tired and not feeling good and just fed up with absolutely everything, mostly with myself. Sorry about the whining.

[SunshineRainflower]

Hi HopeLifeJoy,

it sounds like perhaps the therapist isn’t a good fit for you, or maybe it’s not the right time, or maybe talking therapies aren’t your thing. I’ve met several therapists who really annoyed me and I had to stop going. I’m starting with a new one soon and am not that hopeful but in the past have had therapy with excellent therapists and know several women who credit great therapists for helping them to fully heal after abuse so don’t give up on the idea completely.

For me I am desperate to talk about what happened so maybe you could wait until/if you feel like that in the future? And in the meantime you could try other things like walking, journaling, art therapy, volunteering, horticultural therapy (like volunteering at a community allotment and growing loads of nice veg, it’s amazing for mental health) then re-evaluate in 3-6 months?

[HopeLifeJoy]

Thank you for your support and suggestions SunshineRainFlower.
I will let the anti-depressant kick in and calm down, then decide what to do. I do not recognise myself right now, my feelings and fear are getting in the way of my thinking.
I hope your new therapist will be a great one.

[still here]

Hi, HopeLifeJoy. I’ve had a mixed experience with counselling but when it’s been good its really benefitted me. I found it helped me to value myself and start looking at life from my own perspective rather than everyone else’s. The last time I went for counselling I couldn’t cope with it though, so I stopped it. I felt angry too, not at the counsellor but just because I was sat in a chair still feeling that I needed that help. It made me see that I just don’t get any support in my life, and I wanted to be passed needing it. It may help to tell the counsellor how you are feeling about the counselling because its something I did when I had that good experience i mentioned above. The counsellor may expect you will be having negative feelings as a result of what the counselling brings up. The other thing as well is that i found it’s just never going to be possible to really explain the full story of what the experience has been, so no matter what I said I never felt she would ‘get it’, because I desperately wanted someone to know so they would understand but at the same time I was being guarded because I had such a bad trust issue (still do).

[fizzylem]

Hi, yes it’s very important you feel you are good match with the therapist, sadly, when we are allocated a therapist, which often occurs in the NHS, we feel we don’t have a choice, we feel we have to see who we are given, when actually we do have a choice, it takes courage but it is absolutely ok to ask to try another therapist. Research shows that when there is a good match a strong therapeutic alliance is formed and the potential for healing increases significantly.

Sadly, it is usually almost always the case that it takes a bit of time to find the right support – that’s just how it is for everyone.

This said, it also sounds to me that its maybe not the right time for to open up yet, and that is absolutely ok of course – it’s so very important to listen to what it is you need and to give yourself this.

It is the therapist’s role to ask you how you feel so you can work this out and why, it’s the begining of making sense of things. Therapy is exposing, it’s a process where you do lay yourself bare, feeling vulnerable does feel excruitaiting at times, but it’s only by being open and honest that it works, so it needs to be with someone you trust, someone you think may be able to help. It sounds like trust has yet to be established and the therapist isn’t really helping to build this at present, or help put you at ease. She’s perhaps trying to open you up and you simply don’t feel ready as a relationship has not formed bewteen the two of you yet – it’s too early.

I’m also unsure why you need to go to therapy to get an anti-depressant – you should be able to get this prescription from the GP with no strings attached. FL.

[fridges]

@hopelifejoy
I think what happens here, that you are not in your comfort zone, someone is asking you how are you doing? wants to know how you feel?
And you mention, he never bother to ask how are you doing? like you do not exist, neither is important how you feel.
What you feel, is important and all what you go through is important. You just did not have someone to be there for you.
I do therapy myself and the first months – after each session, i was just lying in bed, crying and could not get up, it was taking all my energy to bring it up, what happened to me on the life journey.
But now I started to see the difference, almost 9 months of seeing therapist, I had someone actually listening to me and make me believe that what I feel is important.
My both abusers always minimise how they make me feel, or even admitting for the short time, what they have done, go back into denial, that nothing wrong happened and I should get over it and stop being such p***y.
Personally I think my therapist is a wonderful woman, I do not feel she judges me and make me feel it is my fault.
Therapy it is a commitment and on the long term you will start to see results and hopefully change the way you see yourself and connect with yourself more.

[HopeLifeJoy]

Thank you so much for your replies, I appreciate you sharing your experience with therapy.

You are so right.
It’s all about trust.
I don’t trust anyone. I used to trust everyone. I went to the other extrem. I know it’s not healthy but it is the only way I know right now. Isolating myself and kicking everyone out that is approaching.
The only people I trust are the ones who have been abused. Because they can relate. Without explanation. Due to their own experience. They, you, I…just know…We just know. We know.

I took antidepressant. They don’t help. They make me sick. So I want to try something else. Alcohol. That works. Finally my tears are running again. Finally!! I know. It’s not the healthiest way. I don’t want to use drugs as Amy Winehouse did and get killed by it. I love her songs and soul. But she should have gotten some help. Her song No,No,No I’m not going to rehab should have been Yes, Yes, Yes I am going to rehab, getting healthy and getting rid of my self centered dad and boyfriend.

I went back to therapy. I don’t exactly know what to do with it.
I was diagnosed with depression.
I tick almost all the boxes expect there is not box for anger. Where is anger in all this?
It doesn’t matter which mental disease I fit into, I know I need help. I am in good hands. The therapist is so kind. Almost like I don’t deserve her. But I will follow your advice. To be honest. It’s so hard though. Because I have of course to calm down first.
I used to be only honest.
Now I am so skeptic of people. I get angry.
But honesty is the biggest weapon I’ve got. The biggest strength. My abusers don’t possess that one.

I’ll keep on going. Standing. Yes!
The world is full of powerful people. Woman mainly of course. But also kids. Very strong. So strong you cannot imagine. And kind.
And men too. It’s all about people. Good people. Not gender. Even animals I appreciate very much. Almost every single bug that flies into my flat I get it out again into the open. I catch it with a glass and postal card and out the window. Freedom for everyone!

I have two young girls. They don’t live with me right now. They live with my abuser. It’ f*****g killing me. It makes me climb up the walls. But they live in my heart. And by all means, I’ll stay strong and most importantly – alive – as long as it takes. One day I will get them back into my arms. I love them both so much. I know the future will be good. I just know. I’m saying this out of faith. Because so many women have been there before me for decades, centuries, in history fighting for their rights and freedom.
Not only women but also men. In wars. WWII. Where evil was so strong. Until Churchill. The wind turned. Incredible courage won against evil. It shows that good and honesty prevails! Always.

Women’s Aid says it all. Until women and children are safe.That is the only. only. Only. Thing I am living on. It will be so one day. We are living in a western world where this is possible. I believe in that. I know history. I know it will go well in the future too. It’s just the present I have to deal with.

It’s gonna be alright.

[Author]

Posts