Seeing it from the outside

[Serenity]

I have a friend who is with a man who I think is very manipulative and co trolling.

We led her to have anxiety attacks so bad that she took herself down to A&E last time she was with him, as she thought she was going mad with it and her heart was racing. Unfortunately, she took him back.

He made out she had misinterpreted him before ( it was mainly mental and emotional abuse ) and imagined it all.
He took her abroad, wined and dined her, got himself situated back in her bed and home half the week, and now it has started again.

The attempts to dominate, the cruel double edged words when he doesn’t get his way, his demanding and needy nature which does not take into account any of her needs. He thinks she is a sponge that he can bleed dry.

She is now feeling trapped and says she can’t bear him, but he won’t leave her alone.

His behaviours are very similar to my ex, and all the while I have been able to clearly, clearly see it isn’t her fault, but his.

Yet I blamed myself so much in my situation. What for, I don’t really know. Just being me, I suppose. Daring to have needs.

It has helped me realise how I really wasn’t to blame. I think we tend to believe our abuser’s critical voice, gaslighting and chronic lying, and berate ourselves, but in fact we gave more to that person than we ever should have done.

X

[Serenity]

I mean this led her to have anxiety attacks

[Herindoors]

Bittersweet Serenity. Sweet that this has given you further clarity but so sorry for your friend. I hope she finds a way out as well xx

[Starmoon]

This sounds so much like my situation too. Like herindoors says- bitter sweet xx

[Confused123]

Hi Hun

As a friend I would guide her to womensaid , haven and to post on here , when we trap it’s hard to understand and get help

[Author]

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