Seeing my son after about (detail removed by Moderator) months

[godschild]

Hi all , I do not come on here as much as I did , when I first found the forum, I am stronger and keeping myself busy with lots of things and feel pretty positive a lot of the time.

There are better days and not so good days with my husband, i do stand up to him and challenge him,he does not like it but it keeps me balanced and I have learned so much about abuse , I am ahead of him in his mind games.

There have not been any episodes as bad as the start of the year , he knows he went to far and he denies being abusive so he holds in his anger I can see it and he knows I am aware of his tactics as well. More subtle things now but i can see it as it is and it really helps

I do read a lot of posts and I do pray for you.

I am facing a situation this weekend in seeing my Son and his wife for the for the first time in approx (detail removed by Moderator) months, i have been pretty heartbroken in not seeing him and him ignoring me, but he text his dad and said they would like to reconnect with us.

I feel now that I am strong enough to meet with them with my husband but I will not be treated wrongly and hope I am strong enough to do this.

I want us to have a positive relationship with our children as far as possible as they went through enough when they were living at home,we also have a good mutual relationship with our grandaughters and can have some better times when with htem, he is never abusive in anyway when we see them.

I feel I have lived a lie and covered up for many things for years and kidded myself to get by,but now I see the whole truth and due due to my disabilties I cannot leave so I want to make the best of my life and for me seeing our Son is one of those areas. I have set many many bounderies in my relationship with my husband as well

I do feel nervous about meeting with him, he deos not really validate the abuse now, he sees it as both of us, so its a bit difficult, but I think he is protecting himself from the hurt and wounds he cannot face. He does not want to get involved or discuss it,his wife has no clue as to abuse,so i do feel i need a bit of support from you ladies to stand my ground and be assertive without directly discussing abuse.

My husband knows how I feel and that I will no longer just laugh and joke in their company or ignore any attempts to “jokingly” make comments to me

Any support welcome I ma really looking forward to reconnecting with my son as I really love him and have missed him terribly and if I can work this relationship well it is a very positive thing in my life xx

[Lisa]

Hi godschild,

Thank you for posting, it is good to hear from you. Great to hear your son wanted to meet up, it is clear from your post how important this is to you. I hope it went well and you have been able to start building on your relationship with him.

Let us know how it went when you can.

Best wishes,

Lisa

[Serenity]

Good luck, Godschild. You deserve this bit of good news.

ReMaybe it might help to read my post called ’70:30 or the Visualisation Bubble.’ This is a situation where you can prepare to hold your own, keep a bit back and visualise being protected. Your husband won’t be able to affect you to ruin it as much, and you can get through it all feeling more positively protected x

[godschild]

Thankyou for your responses Lisa , i will let you know how it goes , its this evening.
Serenity thankyou , you always seem to have such words of wisdom, i will try what you said, I did read that yeterday and thought it was a good idea. xx

[godschild]

It all went very very well,my Son gave me a big hug when we met and we had a very good evening, I chatted to him a lot and caught up with him and his wife,one comment albeit “joking ” to my husband of course did upset me, it was aimed at our Son I can see how jealous he is of my relationship with our Son that is when the abuse got worse when he was born ,however i went to bed feeling very good,I am slowly getting back better relationships with both my Son and daughter which is so good for a Mom to feel, its been a rocky road at times as abuse fractures families and I want to encourage other ladies that are going through difficult times with their children to hang on in there, i saw my Sons love for me last night, they just get so mixed up by the abuse in home they grow up in.

We are meeting up again in a couple of weeks,I said as he hugged me when they left dont ever leave it this long again and he said I won’t, he has been under a lot of awful work pressure the past months and i have shed many tears over not seeing him,but its all coming right now.

[Lisa]

So pleased for you, godschild. I hope this is the start of a fantastic relationship with your son and his wife.

Best wishes,

Lisa

[lover of no contact]

That’s great news godschild, about the healing that is happening in your relationship with your son. Love is stronger than fear. Your son has love for you and fear of his dad. Love is stronger than fear.

Your post will help maintain hope that the bond of love between us and our children can be renewed even if temporarily damaged by our abusers. My eldest daughter’s love and respect for me waxes and wanes according to her dad’s influence over her. The smearing of us by our abuser to our children is very painful, thank goodness we have the support of this Forum.

[godschild]

Thankyou LONC, you are right love is stronger than fear. My daughter has been the same but deep down they know the truth but can be so influenced by their dads and I beleive often cant take the pain and wounds and take it out on us as they know its safe to do that and it isn’t with their dads, hoe an pray that your relationship with your daughter will become stronger in time x*x

[Serenity]

I am so pleased, Godschild.

It’s great that you could ignore your husband’s behaviour.

You’re a very strong lady X

[godschild]

Thankyou Serenity, im certainly stronger than I was xxxx

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