Seeing new counsellor next week

[Eve1]

and I’ve seen my Dad today. I can’t think of anything other than emotional abuse and how it has affected me, has it affected me. I’m feeling all the feelings/pain of the bad, bad horrible times in my childhood. I can see that I’m going to work towards cutting him out of my life, I can feel it. But I feel so depressed and confused, like I’m jumping on in my head to that point and I’m terrifying myself. What if the counselling doesn’t help?

Hating myself.

I tried to ring Napac today and couldn’t get through. I feel like I did with my abusive ex husband. Once I’d realised it, observed it and felt it, I couldn’t take it anymore. And yet again, the people around, family etc. will judge me. I feel sad already about it all.

Sorry to go on.

X

[lover of no contact]

Hi Eve,

I can understand your thoughts on this. Awareness is painful and then taking action, maybe going No Contact is hard too. I had to go No Contact with my abuser mum. It took me 6 months to work through the guilt I felt. But it was the healthiest action for me. Its sad but healthy. I too had to cope with being judge as her façade of being charming has deceived her siblings (who judge me), my relatives and even my children and a friend of mine judges me too. But I am doing the best thing for me and for her (because it does her no good to be allowed to push me around). She still manages to abuse me indirectly via my children. She is re-writing history (as they do) and subtly ‘paints me in a bad light’ to my children and my eldest daughter’s attitude towards me can be influenced by her smearing of me and my abuser ex’s smearing of me. But my abuser mum has less power to harm me than if I was in contact with her.

[White Rose]

Hi Eve
You really have a lot on your plate at the moment. Just spend time getting to know the new counsellor and take it step by step.
try to enjoy the weekend -some places due to get some sunshine I hope yours is one of them. Treat yourself to a bunch of daffodils – they always give me hope x*x

[Eve1]

Thank you both. Yes the sun is out here. It made me relax a little.

I got through to NAPAC. They were great. Validated that my Dad was emotionally abusive straight away. And I taliked about limiting how much I see him. To talk about it helped me feel I could start to think about starting to climb up out of this low I’m in.

WR, I’ve private messsged you about daughter.

Eve
xx

[White Rose]

Hi Eve
I’ve replied to your PM
x*x

[Jupiter]

Hi Eve

Happy you got through to NAPAC at last–sometimes line is busy but keep trying. You can chat to them any time you need to. It makes such a difference breaking the isolation in difficult times.Take care of yourself and then you can deal with other parts of your life.
Jupiter x

[Author]

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