Seems everyone says the same….is it?

[GrumbleBear]

Sometimes, he’s great! And during those times I feel guilty for thinking bad of him. I don’t think he is deliberately abusive. It just seems to happen, when I do something he doesn’t agree with, or he’s not happy with work which becomes my fault and I add more stress because he has to drop me off and pick me up from work (detail removed by moderator).
I get anxious when I have to ask him to do something, like pick up the kids or nip to the shop and feel relief when he says (detail removed by moderator) because I know it can just as easily be a huge problem.
He wanted me to go back to work but complains about my shifts and the way it (detail removed by moderator) and points out daily the inconvenience of giving me a lift. I can’t win.
He tries to make me feel stupid and embarrassed, even when there’s no-one about. He doesn’t like me going out with friends and often says (detail removed by moderator). He doesn’t have friends and isn’t interested in making any (i’ve tried to encourage this!) He hasn’t hit me but has said he has wanted to.
I could go on but I don’t want to make this too long. Am i just over reacting?

[Bananaboat]

Doesn’t sound like overreacting but may I suggest checking out one or more of the following to start to understand all this a bit more: Lundy Bancroft’s book ‘why does he do that’, pat craven’s book ‘living with the dominator’, check out the freedom program website or watch dr Ramani on YouTube- these are all great places to start answering a lot of your questions and you start to learn about emotional abuse, cognitive dissonance, the FOG, and all the ways you’ve learnt to survive/walking on eggshells is one or worrying about asking for support from your partner is another. Good luck, you’re with like minded souls here xx

[searchingforhope]

That all sounds similar and you get so used to walking on eggshells it becomes second nature. I would never get (detail removed by moderator) as a reply, it would be more of a sigh and  (detail removed by moderator), so then I stop asking. Then it turns out I was wrong for that too. There is no way to win or do the right thing. It’s endless pain to feel your always wrong and something done with the best intentions is turned back on you as the wrong thing.
I’m still learning. It’s a long slow process with many twists and turns. Go easy on yourself. You’ll get there. We hopefully all will x*x

[Lottieblue]

One of the first things I was advised to do was “google The Cycle of Abuse” when I found this forum.

And one of the first books I was told I should read was the one mentioned above.

Do both. 💡

[Shocknawe]

You are not overreacting. You feelings are completely valid and there are a lot of red flags. Like the others have said: read about it. It’s a very typical pattern.
Good luck!

[Grey Rock]

Yes, this sounds like the typical cycle of abuse in a coercive and controlling relationship. It is abuse. It removed your freedom and invades your rights and your will. At very best it’s an unhealthy relationship and not conducive to happiness or wellbeing.
GRxx

[nbumblebee]

Again sweetie you describe what most of us here are going through. I understand the doubt i really do its so so hard to believe.
All i can say is arm yourself with as much info as you possible can read posts on here learn about the cycle of abuse the more you know and learn the more you will understand. X*x

[GrumbleBear]

Thank you all. It’s so weird to say it as it is, even though it’s the more mild examples I have given and to hear even these little things are all part of it. That may not make sense but I know what I mean lol!

I will have a look at all the suggested material – I watched some of Dr Ramani last night, so much mmade sense!

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