Sentencing

[Rosie]

So my ex is getting sentenced (removed by moderator) , he pleaded guilty to a lesser charge and at least I’m not having to got court.
I’ve done my victim impact statement but o know he’ll get next to nothing for nearly killing me.
I’m still covered in bruises from (removed by moderator) ago, and still on so much pain.
And he’s out drinking and partying without a care in the world. I cam’t even go to the shops.
I have flashbacks, by last memories of him are trying to kill me and it makes me so sad.
I don’t know how I’m going to feel once it’s done.
I go from feeling numb to sad and cry so much.
I just feel like I’ll never get my life back.
I’m now on antidepressants and sleeping tablets and so angry at how pathetic I am!!

[Healthyarchive]

Dear Rosie, you are in such a vulnerable state and the moment & its all still really recent. Try not to think or worry about him looking as though he is partying & having fun. Looks are frequently deceptive and although he looks like he’s doing okay, he will soon have a criminal record which will impact his future employment options and will be a known abuser which will impact has ability to move forward in positive new relationships. He also has the inner anger which is likely a permanent feature of him. How are you knowing he’s partying? if its Facebook I so much recommend that you stay right away from all social media if it involves him or anybody that he knows. FB is so dangergous for your emotions, it can bring you right down and make you paranoid, anxious and depressed. I blocked my ex and all his associates so I can enjoy FB with no fear. Its so early days for you and you are bound to feel so bad. Can you do some reading this afternoon, outdoors in the sunshine maybe? All of HG Tudors books are short reads on abuse, immediatly avaialable to read on Amazon. There are HUNDREDS of free books on abuse, manipulation etc on Amazon unlimited.X*X

[Rosie]

A picture came up on my wall, but he’s blocked. A friend had like her friends picture and he was in it… I felt the blood drain.
Think it’s because it was so unexpected and from and unexpected source.
I’d love to sit outside but don’t feel safe to do so. I jump at the slightest noise and constantly check my doors and windows to make sure they’re locked.
He’s the one with the anger and alcohol issues and it’s all still there bubbling underneath and I’m the one suffering.
I just want to go back to how I was before I met him, I was happy.
I don’t even think him being sorry would help me, I don’t feel like my life is my own at the moment

[Healthyarchive]

You will get back to being happy i promise you, but it takes time. You are grieving and are traumatised at the moment. Have a look at a post on here, the title is called Trauma bonding, there might be some tips that will help you. This also is great for trauma bonding. https://victimsofpsychopaths.wordpress.com/traumatic-bonding/

If you put the words Distress Tolerance into Google, there is a lot on this behavour that you can adapt to make your pain less. Also knowing how damaging Facebook is to your peace of mind right now (it would crucify me if i saw anything like that of my ex on FB), i think that you need to get drastic with your FB settings. It doesn’t have to be for ever. My advice is to completely block or even delete your friends who are linked to him at all, or see if you can change your settings so that you do not see any photo’s he is tagged in. Later on, when you are feeling stronger you can hook up with your friends again. Also, FB is not the be all and end all of life. You can still have contact with these people, just not in ways that can damage your peace of mind. I think block the friends for now so that you can use FB with absolutely no chance of having any contact with him or anybody that he knows. Rosie you have time ahead which will be difficult and painful for you, while you are recovering. I am now (removed by moderator) down the road, but I felt as you do now (removed by moderator)  ago. Now  I feel free and happy, still think about him everyday but i’m over the worse. You will be ok as long as you prepare yourself for the huge range of emotions that come. Only 2 hours ago I accidently saw a photo of myself and him looking really happy, well he was looking sad. It sent my mind racing and I have not been able to stop feeling sad and sorry for him ever since. I feel my ex is damaged & it makes me sad for him. But you will have these vast array of emotions Rosie, severe sadness as I had today, deep emptyness as though all of your inner organs have been ripped out and you are just an empty shell, sheer desperation to call him, loneliness, feeling okay. As the time goes on these severe emotions become less concentrated. You are also likely to be obsessed, have obsessive intrusive thoughts which you cannot control. Again these lesson a lot over time. Please take care of yourself and know that this time will pass. X*X

[Ayanna]

Same here, Rosie. He denied everything and draggged me through the courts. I am disabled from the injuries he inflicted on me. But nobody cares. This is how the system works.
Patriarchy rules.
Do not remain quiet. Join feminist groups and stand up against the injustice. Go to the yearly women murder marches, attend feminist conferences, speak about your ordeal, write letters, never let anybody shut you up. We owe this to the young girls, the future victims, who grow up in suppression and all the other sister who suffer in silence.

[Author]

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