Separated now, but do I need to worry?

[Biscuitsandbikes]

So, have been separated a few months and it’s been great. So much more freedom!

Anyway, given the season I’ve tried to keep things OK. Was going well but… A few things happened over the weekend which I thought was selfish, but then…

(removed by moderator)

So why do I feel bad? He pointed out he does help me out on occasion, which is true. I guess I object to being told what to do and the hussy fit after. I am being precious?

[KIP.]

You cannot remain on ‘friendly’ terms with an abuser. His agenda is to make you feel small and to put you down. Whatever he’s up to under the guise of a separation probably isn’t what you think. The nasty bully that caused the separation is still there and won’t go anywhere. He’s just hid that person for a while and now you’re seeing the real him again. Try to become self sufficient and keep him out your life. Sounds like he’s trying to hook you back in. Get a contact order in place to allow him to see his children but you need firm boundaries in place and to stick to them. He shouldn’t be in your house either as it’s a dangerous time for you when you try to end things and when he loses control.

[Biscuitsandbikes]

Thanks KIP.

I do not want him backand life is easier without him. I can be self sufficient easily. Some of the ‘help’ he gives isn’t actually anything I’ve wanted. Although sometimes he will bring (removed by moderator). I guess I need to stop that too.

[KIP.]

Yes, I’m afraid that he will use any contact to continue the abuse. I know you don’t want him back but these men will use any excuse to get the upper hand. Make sure you don’t allow him in your life. You feel bad because he has conditioned you to feel bad. Abusers use guilt as a means of control. Fear obligation and guilt. It’s the FOG of abuse x

[Novelidea]

My husband uses guilt that he left his home country for me, and now I want to put him out and he has nowhere to go, nothing to go back to.

[Newbeginnings1234]

My husband did the same thing but as soon as I left he made loads of new friends and moved to a new house. I assumed that he would move back to his home country but he hasn’t. He tried to contact my family and asked if he could stay with them because he doesn’t have any family in this country but they said no, and now he seems to be doing fine on his own. He just wanted to make me feel guilty.

[KIP.]

You would be surprised how quickly they land on their feet when they have to. When they don’t have someone to suck dry.

[Author]

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