Separation, is it financial abuse?

[Bambe]

Hi ladies.

Going through a divorce and still early days. Torture having to live under the same roof especially with young children around.

I have no income due to being a stay home mum and a very young child, children.

Whilst everything is going through I’m unable to claim as he is still paying for the marital home that we are all living in. For food I was given so much which he has threatened to take from me- now he is refusing to give me any money and for him to sort the food.

There’s other cost that come up in the week as you’ll all now, driving around etc. he’s becoming more mean everyday and I can’t wait for this all to be over with.

I hate that I have to rely finically on him and my god if I could go get an income to support me and my children I would- but right now I’m up through the nights (feeds) and there more reasons that I’ve won’t put to specific on here.

Is this finical abuse? He’s apparently been advised to do this which I think is the worst possible advice to an abuser to give him even more so of the upper hand.

Job centre say whilst we’re living together I’m not entitled to anything, does anybody else have any suggestions? I would work of the evening but he’s out every night leaving me no chance to get out the house.

Thank you x*x

[Bananaboat]

Yes that’s typical abuse, he’s using the finances to control & punish you. Worse than that, your children are suffering. You can apply for benefits when living together and separated, so check out sites like Turn2us and look at their benefit calculators. Do you receive child benefit? Get your own legal advice, abusers lie so don’t always believe what he’s telling you. Not sure if you own/rent but it might be worth speaking to your local council and seeing if you’re eligible for help there due to leaving abuse. Good luck, I lived like this for months and it’s another level of hell, but it’s not forever, hang in there x

[Bambe]

(detail removed by Moderator) It’s only started a couple months ago and we’re only just moving onto the deep stuff now, so I’m unsure how long the process will take. I suppose everyone is different. (detail removed by Moderator). We own and with me having no substantial income I’m home to stay until I’ve found my feet, but I won’t hold my breath. What will be will be.

I’ll do a calculator now, thank you! Yes I get child benefit (detail removed by Moderator). Which I’m hoping to keep aside for solicitor fees.

Every day it’s a fight but I know it’s for the best.

How are you since your divorce? Are things much better? Hope so.

Thank you for replying Bananaboat

Xx

[Eggshells]

Yes, this does sound like financial abuse and in my experience it will escalate as the divorce progresses as will the psychological and emotional abuse. He will lie through his teeth and use his solicitor to justify his actions.

It is a very difficult thing to consider, especially when you are raising very young children but please do consider your options for moving out.

If you don’t already have a support worker from your local dv charity, please do call them and ask for help. They can usually advise you on housing options, including the possibility of refuge. Citizens Advice will be able to give you advice on benefits and what you would be able to claim in different scenarios.

Divorce is hard but divorcing an abuser is 10 times harder than usual and can be a very dangerous business. If he’s threatening to compromise your access to food then this is a very concerning turn of events and its happening very early on in the divorce process. It makes me wonder what will be next.

Please contact your local support. The following link will help you https://www.womensaid.org.uk/womens-aid-directory/

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