31st January 2016 at 10:01 pm #8750katieloveParticipant
I miss you (and I am sure others do) – are you OK?
x x x
1st February 2016 at 6:02 pm #8818
Hey, I know this isn’t for me, but if you click on one of Serenity’s posts and view the words under her name, you’ll see why she isn’t posting. I also miss her responding and sharing, and if she sees this I wish her well 🙂
1st February 2016 at 6:03 pm #8819martian29Participant
Serenity always seemed to know the right things to say to help everybody and took up a lot of her time supporting others. I miss her too and hope that she hasn’t been on here lately because she is finally finding serenity and peace in her own life and moving on.
1st February 2016 at 6:35 pm #8829
Serenity was blocked from using the forum. But I remember her saying on the old one that she has a few good sources of support, so I hope she is doing well!
1st February 2016 at 9:01 pm #8837
That makes me so sad. A lot of us have expressed our worries that there are differences in our experiences of new site compared to the old one. However, it seems to be getting better and hopefully is working well for us all now that some teething problems have been ironed out. I still struggle with navigation though!
Serenity isn’t out of the woods yet, she is still vulnerable and in need of support. I know she was in email contact with some users of the old forum so I hope whoever you are you keep her safe, continue to support her and if you are in contact soon then please give her my love and thanks for all the positive things she said over the year that helped build up my resistance and help me move along this difficult journey xxxxx
1st February 2016 at 10:06 pm #8842katieloveParticipant
Thanks everyone for responding. Alone – I didn’t know she was blocked. How can I find an old post?
1st February 2016 at 11:50 pm #8848
Serenity has old posts in both the feedback and welcome sections, but it just says ‘blocked’ under her name, where ours say ‘participant’. I was trying to discretely point to it, but then realised it may not be clear what I meant, so posted again with the info!
2nd February 2016 at 9:15 am #8860StarmoonParticipant
I miss her too. She always took the time to reply to us. I can’t understand why she’s been blocked?! I expressed my dislike for the new forum too. It was almost impossible initially although it’s allot better now. Anyway, I can imagine how detrimental it would be to be blocked from here when for some of us it’s such I life line
2nd February 2016 at 9:46 am #8864LisaMain Moderator
Thank you for your concern about Serenity. Sadly following her frustration at the New Forum and some of the problems we have been experiencing it was Serenity’s decision to be removed from the forum. We are thankful that some of the forum problems we were experiencing have been ironed out and we very much hope that she is experiencing support off line. I understand that Serenity was a very supportive forum user and she is free to return to the forum at any time.
2nd February 2016 at 6:59 pm #8905
Thanks for clarifying.
Is it possible to use another term for members who choose to leave? “Retired” or “having a break from this site”? Something other than “BLOCKED” as this has a very different meaning for most people these days.
2nd February 2016 at 7:01 pm #8906SavingmyselfParticipant
Yes if you have left or having time it’s not banned
3rd February 2016 at 7:29 pm #8970
Hi Katie Love, White Rose and others,
Thank you for asking after me. A forum user who I am in touch with told me about your enquiries.
I had a bit of a break from things.
I think I had invested so much energy in getting round Lap 1 ( realising I was married to an abuser; injunction; Cafcass ; divorce ) that I was exhausted.
Plus, I had prayed that he would lay off after the final financial hearing. Unfortunately, his games continue, so I was trying to cope with that reality.
Of course, if you stand up to a mercenary money-minded abuser, he will try to wreck you!
However, before any of you lovely beautiful ladies say ‘Oh no, see? It doesn’t get easier!’ I want to differ.
If I hadn’t stood up to him and initiated divorce, my life would have been a downward spiral of abuse, cruelty and pennilessness. My kids would have had nothing.
Yes, I had to brave his lies and his falsity, brave Cafcass’ nasty mistrust, etc, but I won the house over him ( yay!!!), I proved his illegal dealings and he ended up losing out big time.
Yes, I had panic attacks through it all, yes I had moments of despair and resignation. He tried to make my ‘babies’ ( well, teens really!) think bad of me. But I got all the advice and guidance I could.
Like many of you trauma bonded ladies, I thought he was part of me, even though he wouldn’t have cared if I had died- in fact, he would probably have laughed. I did to know how I would continue.
I remember letting out such a blood-curdling a real whilst driving one day.
Well, today I was driving and was bouncing up and down in my seat singing how free I was- and how glad I am he is gone from my space.
I have the continuing problem of him being emotionally and mentally abusive to my eldest ( his mask has fallen there ) and his spoiling my youngest. True abuser style. And yes, that set me back to panic attacks. But I am doing ok.
People say it takes 2 years to recover from divorce and longer if it was abusive.
It isn’t even two years for me and I have already discovered my joy in life. Yes, I have moments when he triggers me. But overall, I am a survivor.
I promise you all will too, if you reach out for help.
I will try to post a bit on this forum, as I missed you all. I have returned to work more, so my time is taken up more than before, but I would like to post sometimes.
Much love to you all. I hit a bit of an energy hiatus- but am ok!
3rd February 2016 at 8:42 pm #8977
thank you for replying, you were one of the first to reply to my first post, your words have given me strength, comfort and hope.
I wish you the life you deserve.
3rd February 2016 at 9:00 pm #8980
Hi Falling Skys,
How have things been with you? I have been out of the loop a bit. X*x
3rd February 2016 at 9:16 pm #8982
Almost divorced, got a court date to sort out the financial parts as he’s refused to do it other ways, house still not sold but getting more interest, totally alienated me from my both my children now.
But I feel stronger and more positive, I can see him for what he is. Now I am learning who I am and I quite like me.
I still feel that when I am in a safe place I will make a statement to the police, even if it goes no further he will know that I know what he did to me was wrong and that will close that door for me.
I hope you will pop on site on odd occasion.
3rd February 2016 at 9:40 pm #8987
Sounds like you are showing signs of a warrior! Yes, do all these things. I have shopped my ex good and proper.
I will pop in x*x
3rd February 2016 at 9:48 pm #8988
Lol I haven’t thought myself as a warrior but I do believe you are right.
4th February 2016 at 12:09 am #8992
So glad to hear you’re bouncing along just fine. Keep happy and serene and always remember you’re a graceful swan
Much love to you and your boys x*x
4th February 2016 at 8:06 pm #9048lover of no contactParticipant
Just wanted to say well done you!! So glad you got the house for you and your boys over him!
Theres always hope and miracles ladies, never give up fighting and trusting. With supporting each other, with our collective strength and experiences we will overcome these abusers.
Oue abusers are cowards anyway, and liars. All of us ladies are courageous and we have truth on our sides, and nothing is stronger than the truth.
5th February 2016 at 1:48 am #9067StarmoonParticipant
I’m so glad to hear you’re doing well. You were also one of the fist to reply to my first ever post and have replied to me when I’ve desperately needed someone- anyone.
It really is so refreshing to hear that you are a true survivor and I’m sure we all totally understand you needing your time away from here xx
5th February 2016 at 12:30 pm #9083WanderingCloudParticipant
Although I am not so much a frequent poster to the forums, I do log in when I am at work and your contributions are always well written with some fantastic advice so it is good to hear you are doing brilliantly. The road has been very rocky for you but you seem to be coming out of the other side. I am hoping that i too will be on that rocky road before the year is out. I am trying desperately to untrauma bond myself but it is hard though when you read stories on here of ladies who have succeeded in doing this, it is really insprirational.
5th February 2016 at 6:49 pm #9113
Thank you very much for the above posts!
There were so many wonderful and wise women who haven’t posted much recently- KIP, Peaceful Pig, Flower Child, Head Cook, to name but a few.
Theirs and others’ wisdom on here got me through, ing with attending support groups and counselling.
A lot of what I have written is based upon the excellent advice and guidance I received from my local DV support, in particular one amazing lady- who, I might add, along with her colleagues, have been told they are losing their jobs due to cuts to DV services.
Don’t even get me started on how appalling I think that is. X*x
5th February 2016 at 6:50 pm #9114
I mean got me through, along with
5th February 2016 at 9:23 pm #9128MarthamooParticipant
Great to hear from your Serenity and that life is looking rosy. Thank you for all your support xx
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