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So today he was very nice to me but he kept making sexual comments we was out with the kids. First he said (detail removed by moderator) so was in a rage about that then when we were out he kept making comments like (detail removed by moderator).
I hate it I’m with my kids he says it when they walk off not in front of them but still.
Then we get home abs he’s like we’re doing it later we’ll we did it last night when I didn’t want it and I knew in my mind tonight I wasn’t doing it no matter what.
Then I’m (detail removed by moderator) and he comes up behind and sticks his foot up between my legs and I told him to stop he did it again and again laughing saying it’s cos I fancy you so much etc.
Then I sit down and he comes up staffs touching me between my legs I said stop and he did it again a few times. (detail removed by moderator) he grabbed my legs pulled them apart and starts humping me and maybe in a normal relationship this would be a laugh or funny but it’s dominance to him.
He’s obsessed with sex then he was going come here and hug me like I’m a dog I never went and hugged him he was doing my head in all day.
I feel like I’m the abnormal one sometimes but it feels constant messaging me from work about sex and I’m sick of hearing it then I send short answers and he starts on me when he gets home.
Don’t know why he goes on about sex and touches me up all day.
I dread everyday now I honestly do even when it’s nice and happy I’m scared of something I might do or say wrong 🙁 on (detail removed by moderator) I booked all nice stuff for us to do and asked him to take a pic of me in my dress and he went off on a rage about it. Then (detail removed by moderator) he was asking me to upload pics of us on social media and I don’t want to it feels fake happiness then because I didn’t he started sulking so I had to take one and act happy and upload it. -
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It’s not about sex really. It’s about dominance and control and possession and power. Making you feel that you have to change the way you look and interact (or, more precisely, don’t interact) with the outside world is isolating you and more control. These are all typical red flags. Have you read Pat Cravens Living With a Dominator book? It’s the book used by women’s aid on the freedom program and worth taking a look (don’t let him see it though, or tell him what you discover in it’s pages).
Have you considered making an exit plan at all?
GR x
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@rainbowcloud you are doing so so well in seeing all this abuse well done.
My husband is bad with the sex too he uses it to dominate me he uses it as a bargaining tool if I need anything or want to do anything he will only say yes if i have sex in tbe past he has even left money on the bedside table for me after sex.
Its not love nor lust its a dominate thing and you deserve so much better.
You are noe seeing him for what he is now time to be brave and reach out get some help sweetie uou cant do this alone nor should you have too. -
Hi Rainbowcloud
Almost every woman on the forum has experienced sexual abuse. They will understand exactly how you feel and how invasive it feels.
When you experience sexual abuse it gets every single part of you. They can humiliate you, possess you, control you, and hurt your mind and body in one fell swoop. That is their driving force. It’s the ultimate expression of ownership abuse, entitlement and abuse. He’s telling you that he owns your body and your mind and therefore he is entitled to do what he wants with you and whenever he wants.
If you deny him sex, you’re showing him that he does not have ultimate control over you and that is why he gets so angry.
For me, sexual abuse was the worst part of abuse. It hurts every part of you and leaves deep emotional scars.
If he is forcing himself on you, either through coercion or by physical means, it is rape.
It can be really hard to get your head around the idea that you are being raped. Support is available to you.
You can contact Rape Crisis via there website https://rapecrisis.org.uk/ and you can get support from your local dv charity here https://www.womensaid.org.uk/domestic-abuse-directory/
You can also contact Women’s Aid for support and advice here. https://chat.womensaid.org.uk/
The forum is always here. You don’t have to have anything specific that you want to ask or talk about. Sometimes it just helps to splurge. xx
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It’s hard to accept it is rape because in the end I say yes to keep the peace and keep him happy even though I don’t want to do it. I read a post I did this time last year and he was doing it then aswell he’s probably being doing it for the whole year and it happens so much I forget about it.
I wake up everyday thinking he will want sex today and if I do it today I get tomorrow off but not always sometimes it’s daily.
The other day he said he wasn’t happy because I wasn’t giving him oral sex enough maybe I don’t want to so I know I’m going to have to do that soon because he won’t let it go.
I hate how he holds my head in one place and I can’t move away from him 🙁
He’s gone out for a bit now so I get a break I love it when he’s not here. He went for a night out recently I loved it but even then he was messaging me it was the best night of my life that I could watch what I want on tv I could text me family I could watch a film with my kids without him there. I wish he would go out more he never goes out and has hardly any friends.
I know I have to have sex tonight though dreading it.-
@rainbowcloud, if a friend was to say to you my husband asked for sex, i said no i didnt want it he then said tough and continue to do what he wanted he held my wrists so tight they bruised, i didnt say no or get off what was the point he would be angry or nasty regardless after he called me friged and accused me of having an affair.
This has happened on a number of occasions, what advice would you give to them? What would you say to them? Sweetie what he does is abuse you need to reach out and get you some help xxxx
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