Sexual assault

[Supermum]

This morning my husband had sex with me after I said no several times. Eventually I stopped saying no, although I didn’t say yes. I didn’t say anything. I just thought it would be easier not to fight him.

He used a sex toy on me and in me. I can’t say everything he did.

I have been sore and achy since it happened. I took pain killers nearly two hours ago, but it hasn’t worked completely. I am going to see my gp tomorrow. I don’t feel able to go to the police. I am planning to leave.

Feeling sorry for myself.

[Benson]

Can you contact your support worker? She may be able to go to the police with you. Perhaps phone the help line, they may be able to offer advice or help you plan how to leave safely. In my experience with sexual assault, the police are very understanding and take it very seriously, they have especially trained officers to deal with sexual abuse, you need to get it logged. Abuse often escalates when you plan to leave, so please keep yourself safe and ensure you have the support from the relevant agencies. Good luck, be brave, you deserve to be free.

[godschild]

Suermum, I was really sad reading your post and just looked at your previous posts, its sick and cruel what he is doing to you and causing you so much physical and emotional pain, how can he be so depraved.

It would be good to get yourself examined and the injuries recorded tommorow and tell the Dr what goes on, he should be locked up for behavoir like this to you, using your precious body to act out his fantasies and things he watches,

I hope you can get him out of the house someway, I have no experience if how but you cannot keep taking this abuse, make a firm no to him re anymore sex at all, make it totally clear, do not allow him to even sleep in your bed, if this isn’t dangerous for you to do, if this us the way he treats your body, if he is abusive in front of the children in anyway you already have reports on this and it may be a way to make him leave the home sending you a big hug you des
erve better than this we all do

[KIP.]

Rape Crisis have a helpline. They were great with me. You could always go to A and E and get checked out. There could be serious internal damage x please tell someone. Abusers thrive on silence.

[KIP.]

Get your doctor to record your injuries. If you cannot face the police, ring Rights For Womsn. They offer free legal advice and there might be enough evidence for a civil court order to have him removed from the home permanently and a restraining order to keep him away x

[Supermum]

I’ve already been to my gp about a previous incident, so I am comfortable going back to her, I should be able to see her tomorrow. I haven’t been able to make a private phone call today, but will try my support worker tomorrow.

The support worker and social worker have warned me about staying safe, I have tried to keep things normal so that he doesn’t suspect.

I don’t think I have internal injuries, it doesn’t feel as bad as previous occasions, but I am definitely getting checked out tomorrow.

[Lisa]

Hi Supermum,

I am sorry to hear about what he has put you through. I hope you managed to see your GP today, as others have previously mentioned your health is so important and any injuries need to be checked over.

Let us know how you get on and let me know if you need any more support.

Take care and keep posting

Best Wishes

Lisa

[maddog]

The police take rape very seriously. They don’t bite and won’t speak to your husband if you don’t want them to. It sounds horrible. Really horrible. Your safety is paramount. Please remember to be checked for STIs.

[LizSKY]

Hi Supermum,

Your situation sounds awful and I am so sorry to read what you have been going through.

Hopefully you were able to see your GP today and get yourself checked over. Like everyone has said, your safety is so important.

You shouldn’t have to put up with this, I hope that you can report it. Stay safe

[Supermum]

My GP was able to see me, I’m okay physically. I didn’t go to the police, the idea was really scaring me. A friend said she would go with me but I still couldn’t.

However, today I did go to the GUM clinic and they are testing me for everything. They were lovely.

[Lisa]

Hi Supermum,

I just want to show you some support. You are being so brave and it is fantastic that you have been to your GP and that you went to the GUM clinic. Well done to you. I hope that you are looking after yourself and being kind to yourself. None of what has happened to you is your fault. You are not to blame for his behaviour and you do not deserve it. Please remember that you can phone the helpline at any safe time to talk and to get some support.

We are all here for you so please keep posting to let us know how you are.

Best wishes,

Lisa
Forum Moderator

[Nova]

Nobody should ever have to go through anything like that, I’m sorry you’ve had to experience it. You deserve to be treated with respect.

Even if you’re not ready to go to the police yet, I agree that you’ve been really brave in the steps you’ve taken so far, and I hope you are able to find some support.

[KIP.]

Hi Supermum well done for getting to your GP. I can tell you that the sexual abuse like all the other abuse will escalate. Please work on getting out of the relationship if you cannot report him. You are in real danger even if you don’t realise it. Google cognitive dissonance. And the word insidious always sticks in my mind when it comes to domestic abuse x

[Supermum]

He’s had sex with me every day for four days and I said no every time.

A few days ago I asked him, doesn’t it bother you that if sex begins with me saying no, that never turns into a yes? He said it does bother him, but if he didn’t persist we would never have sex. I said So? He just shrugged. He had sex with me that night, the next morning, last night and this morning.

I have found out that on the day we had that conversation, he phoned two escorts. One phoned him back and they spoke for one minute. I don’t know if he met either of them. Given his foul mood that afternoon/evening I assume not.

I had the all clear from the GUM clinic, although they will need to retest me about 6-8 weeks after my final sexual contact with him, as his contact with escorts seems to be ongoing.

I have been keeping a journal of the incidents involving both me and the kids, with dates, and on Friday I emailed it to the social worker. She wants me to go to the police. The journal includes explicit details of things he has done to me. I had first asked my IDVA if I could send it to her but she seemed uninterested, said she might not be my advisor after the upcoming MARAC meeting. I’m not finding her very helpful. She wants to meet me face to face and suggested a popular supermarket coffee shop. Not exactly discreet!

I am getting the feeling that nobody is going to help me other than myself. I have to take the lead and find the strength.

I am meeting a solicitor next week. I need this to stop. If I didn’t have children relying on me I don’t know if I would make it.

[KIP.]

My husband raped me and it was soul destroying. He wouldn’t take no for an answer and carried on even when I cried. What kind of a monster would even want to have sex with someone who is clearly repulsed. I tried to fight once but I came off worse. You are right that you need to find the strength to take the lead. I recorded my final assault. Not sexual but if you could get him to admit in a text or email or leave your phone recording (safely), the evidence would be helpful. Please stay safe x

[Benson]

Have you contacted your local SARC centre. They were a fantastic support to me, I had an ISVA through them who supported me through criminal proceedings, gave me support through those darker days and have had counselling with them. They were much better than any of the DA support services. They will listen and not judge and give advice. I can honestly say I would not of got through it without them. It maybe worth giving them a ring. Like others have said it is only possibly going to get worse. So maybe worth talking to someone about how to keep safe.

[Supermum]

Unfortunately there’s no SARC within the county I live in so it’s a bit of a trek to get to one. I’m hiding enough appointments from him already. We work in the same company so that’s not been easy. If we have another conversation around consent I will try to record it.

[Author]

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