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Hi, i rang helpline but they were super busy today and then i missed them, i will call tomorrow.
Bit of a long one, but i’ll explain what happened today. Shall i phone 101 tomkrrow and report him? I feel so guilty on my dsughter that she may have to see him supervised. I am so torn and confused as to what to do next.
I left today then ended up back!
This morning it was 9am and he’d not woken up. I went to wake him as sometimes he says 9am is too late to sleep on a weekend. Me and my daughter were playing on the bed, he then started screaming and told us to grt out, how dare i wake him. I then took my daughter out of the room, i lost it and grabbed a light top and sort of flicked it at him. He then grabbed me, three me on the bed, started shouting and pointing saying dont i ever hit him ill be sorry etc. I cant remember as i wss terrified, i thought this is it, this is where he kills me or seriously hurts me. I could see our daughter in the doorway watching.
I got up and my shin was bruised frkm hitting the bed frame where he pulled me. I was going to visit family anyway, i took important docs but nothung else. Then i got talked jnto coming back by family as i had no stuff for me and my daughter. Anyway so he said he did nothjng wrong, it was me who started it. So that confirms it, he has no concept that what he did was wrong.
Shall i go tomorrow? He says he isnt going to work until mid morning and i have work and daughter nursery first thing so i eont be able to come back to get clothes again. Feel stuck x -
Mellow I’m so so sorry you had to go through this. It’s good that you have family you can stay with but it wasn’t they shouldn’t have persuaded you to go back especially if he was in a bad mood. Do they know what he’s been doing? I think reporting to 101 is a good idea because it’s more evidence should it ever go to court in future. I ring 101 last year and reported an incident. They advised they would need to take a statement and because it was a domestic incident they wanted to come over to the house to check everything was okay. Obviously I’d reported him in secret so I couldn’t let them come to the house in case he found out. I had to go down to the station instead which was a bit scary but they were really nice and took a statement from me and asked me i was safe. It’s definitely a really good step you’re wanting to report him! It’s absurd though that he thinks he did nothing wrong. Keep safe x
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If you can then go. I wish there was a way for you to get through to the helpline. My best thoughts is take your daughter to nursery, then call in to work, say something personal has come up and you can’t come in. Then call the police and report him. Hopefully they would be able to escort you to retrieve some of your belongings once your abuser is out of the house. Have you got somewhere safe to go? Then you go and get your daughter and go.
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Absolutely report. Photograph injury. Your poor daughter must be terrified. You can come back with a police officer to collect your belongings or take the day off and go back when he goes to work. Don’t worry about him. It’s his problem he needs supervised. The fact he didn’t even care that she saw. That’s child abuse and also shows his total lack of control. That red mist is what got me badly hurt. Run for the hills. Run fast and don’t look back x
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Thank you all! So helpful. That’s great to know Rock, i will ring 101. I will report, even if i say don’t do anything now like you did. Sorry re read and saw my typos again ahh!
Thanks Tiffany, i will try women’s aid again tomorrow. Good idea i can drop her, tell nursery not to allow dad to pick her up, just incase he suspects.
Thanks KIP. Oh god i guess it is child abuse. I feel sick, he’s next to me so have to be careful. Keep reliving earlier, so scary. I wss ‘one of those’ that said he’d never hurt me. He was very mhch mental abuse so it just shows how they can turn.
Oh yes i am lucky can go to family. One member is in extreme denial (sorry just worried about identity if someone were to read this). But another is petrified for me. Either way we are both very welcome. Thanks all, ferling stronger. Oh yes have photo of leg. My friend said i was in wrong for flicking top at him, i guess i started it. Am i as bad as him? Keep doubting xx -
We all, at some point, after years of abuse, do something that they can hold against us and use as “proof” that we were the abusive ones. I threw a cushion at my ex’s head (after he had thrown a whole lot of things that were much harder at me). He missed and I hit him, so I was in the wrong! I also threw out an art project I made with his niece even though I knew he wanted to keep it. I had asked him to tidy it away if he wanted it several times a week for several weeks. I eventually lost patience and put it in the empty recycling bin. He got it out, undamaged and trapped me and yelled at me for several hours that I was emotionally abusive because of that. My actions were childish, but I was at the end of my tether after years of abuse. These things happen. It wasn’t your fault. He’s been trying to drive you to this point for years. I hope you get out ok tomorrow.
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Try to surround yourself with the people who understand. The person who said you were in the wrong for flicking a top at his doesn’t understand and will add confusion. Try to avoid this person meantime or at least do not discuss the abuse with her. My ex used to deliberately push me to the point where I would snap then use that as a further excuse to overreact and abuse even worse. The abuse we get in return is so disproportionate nothing like what we did. These men go for the jugular and pull that carpet from under us. It’s terrible mind games we just cannot comprehend. Good luck. You should also have a local branch of women’s aid who can help x
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