She gets a kick out of hurting me?

[Anonymous]

I’ll just write the conversation that happened;

(detail removed by moderator)

This happens all the time; I eventually pointed out that she’s essentially discriminating against me directly as she was ignoring me and talking directly to my sibling, who was stood next to me. My mam then said “(detail removed by moderator)”

Any ideas what this is about? Why are my and my sister treat so differently?

[lover of no contact]

I would try to not engage with your mum. Keep conversation to yes, no and the weather. She will use any opportunity of contact to maintain power and control in the situation. You can’t change your mum; you can only control whether you are around her or not to lessen the interactions. If your mum is in the kitchen you go into the garden; if she’s upstairs you go downstairs; without it being obvious. Subtly take a step back from your mum.

I have to this a lot at work as my boss is a hard-core abuser. And several work colleagues are of the same kind. The thing is I’m subtly trying not to engage too much or be around them and you’ll see how they up the ante trying to engage with me. This uses up slot of the abusers energy which they don’t like. They don’t like to conserve their energy for their abuse. So I don’t make it easy for them to have opportunities to engage with me. By me not initiating conversations with the abusers or limiting time around them then I get to hear and see less of their abusive ways; which means less time for me having them in my head and less time for me if taking days to get over their hurtful comments and ways and that time can be used for other productive things in my life.

Keep posting as it’s too much living with people who are of the abusive kind.

[lover of no contact]

Typo: they like to conserve their energy for the abuse

[Anonymous]

Yeah, I’ll keep doing what you’ve said above. I just don’t understand why she treats me so differently from my sibling

[Author]

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