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It’s been a long complicated (detail removed by Moderator) months. The abuse started long before that but the past (detail removed by Moderator) months has been intense. There’s been police involvement, women’s aid appointments, contact centres, solicitors, so much said and done that it all blurs into one giant bubble of hurt. Ultimately my ex and I agreed that we would sort contact between us for the good of our daughter but it has not went well. Physical violence was becoming more frequent and more severe. Every opportunity to verbally abuse me and make threats has been taken. In my mind we were separated months ago but he decides when it’s over, not me. Now he finally wants it to be over. When he has come to see our daughter it has been awful, he makes a scene and picks fights and will do whatever he can to get a reaction. He then starts to record me once I’m upset to supposedly show everyone how unstable I am. I asked that we meet in public, with a 3rd party if possible, to do handovers and his response was that he’d see me in court.
I should be delighted. There’s been no drama, my daughter hasn’t got upset over him shouting and being agressive.
I’m still worried about what he’s planning as he said this was just the beginning and he’s not done with me yet. That man can hold a grudge, and he is very scary when he wants to be.
I should be happy for solicitors to sort it and go no contact.
But I’m not.
I’m really really sad. There was a whole life planned out. There was more kids and holidays, and a family home together, and our own business and Christmas and birthdays and all the firsts of having a baby. She’s started (detail removed by Moderator) and he’s not been here.
I miss him, who he used to be. I know it was all a show, but in my silly little head there’s a voice saying if I just give in and can work harder, be smarter, and be what he wants I can still have it all. I really wanted more kids, and I’m going to be too old by the time I meet someone else. And who would even want me now with the state my life is in.
I really loved him. I don’t know if he did ever really love me. All the things he’s said and the names he’s called me, I don’t see how he could have. I should be relieved but I feel like my insides are breaking apart. -
Hello Stillherebutnotme,
Thank you for sharing what you’re going through with us, it sounds like a really distressing and stressful situation.
Your ex-partner sounds incredibly abusive and threatening. It’s very normal when we are experiencing abuse, for this behaviour to become normalised, as it is minimised and excused by the perpetrator. Often with space and time, we are more able to acknowledge the extent of what we’ve been through and can begin to seek support in coming to terms with this trauma.
You are not alone in terms of missing the person you hoped your ex could be, many women here on the forum have experienced this. It’s important to be compassionate towards yourself during this time, it’s great that you’ve reached out for support with things.
Take care and keep posting,
Lisa
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