Should I hate him?

[Anonymous]

Now I know exactly what his game is – should I hate him? There are times when he can kiss me (one that actually feels like he means it) and for a second I can almost forgive him the world – then I step back to reality and remember all the times he has made me feel like I am nothing and, although I don’t feel hate, I feel negative towards him.

I feel as though hating him only poisons me from the inside and that no good can come from hate, but at the same time he deserves the intensity of feeling directed towards him. Am I making any sense at all?

TTMO XX

[Healthyarchive]

Dear TTMO, as the time goes on after you split up and you have No Contact you get many different emotions. i’m sorry i’m not sure if you have split up yet. I split months ago and have had many different emotions from pure loathing and revulsion for him, missing him, sadness & desperate yearning. I dont feel such extremes anymore, time makes it all become less important. I think it helps to continually remind yourself of why you are no longer together. X*X

[Anonymous]

When i first left him i missed him i could not understand why i loved him i was so confused .. now i hate the parasite even though he controls my thoughts.. but i will not let him win. I have my life my daughter my grandkids my nephews. And he tried to rip me away from them . I so want too see him face 2 face and spit in his cowardly face iam hoping for that day

[lover of no contact]

I had huge hateful feelings towards my abuser when I was at the height of his abuse of me and I was trapped for that time and I couldn’t leave. I allowed myself to feel it and I didn’t feel guilty. I remember writing in my diary ‘I have huge hateful feelings for him’. That felt good.

Now that I have escaped the abusive relationship I no longer feel hate. Although when he is causing my children to be hurt, worried and in distress that hate may surface again.

However, if I was to scream and shout at him that I hated him or if I was to act on my hate and scratch his car etc, he would be delighted. It would give him fuel. He would feel powerful and he would delight in my negative reaction to him.

The greatest revenge I can do towards him is to go No Contact. To not engage. To not give him any of my emotions. To work on my hurt, upset caused by him by coming on here and healing and to move on from him and thrive in my life to live life to the full.

Me having fun, looking good, self-caring, laughing again, now that would annoy him more and punish him than my hatred.

[Confused123]

HI

I have to agree with healty archive and lover of no contact, u do go through mixed emotions how u feel, at certain point u even want to rip their heads off, but in time u get on with yor own life and the fact that u escaped them and moved on is the best feeling that u dont need revenge, u wont even want to spit on him because you wont want to waste your spit on him, thats how powerful the feeling of moving on and ignoring them is

[godschild]

Hi, It maybe feelings of hate we have at times quite naturally, but hate does us the damage , there is a saying that if we hate and dont forgive its like drinking poison and expecting the other perosn to die, we have to work through our feelings it takes time but in the end, forgivenesss is the best way as it affects us being bitter and holding onto unforgivness and hate, but it is a process, forgivness sets us free and gives us peace otherwise we still are paying the price for what they do to us and for fitting our own peace. There is asong I love called forgivness, he says in it its the hardest thing to give awayand the last thing on your mind today but the prisoner that it really free’s is you x*x

[Author]

Posts