This topic contains 6 replies, has 4 voices, and was last updated by  fizzylem 4 months, 3 weeks ago.

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  • #87286
     Random. 
    Participant

    He hasn’t done anything wrong for a while now, save for trying to grab (detail of incident removed by moderator). I couldn’t stand or walk properly for a while but he looked after me after which was nice. I had a full blown panic attack that night too for some reason where I just passed out, it was such a strange feeling but he was there comforting me which he normally does after something painful happens.
    Sorry that was a rant then, but back to the point, we were having a discussion & I do feel guilty because he is trying, he’s said he’s willing to start a group programme which might help. He’s trying harder at work for money for both of us, even though I’m the one paying for things at the minute. He really is trying & I just felt numb when he asked if I actually wanted to be with him because I just don’t feel like I care anymore. Or if I do there’s a strange resentment there.
    The domestic violence have called me again asking if I want to consider making a formal statement as he’s still under investigation for another couple of incidents. I’m torn, I don’t want my feelings of resentment to destroy his life, I feel I’d be making a statement for all the wrong reasons. They can just continue on with the victim-less prosecution route that they’re trying if I don’t get involved. I just don’t know what to do they’re phoning me back to ask, has anyone else felt anything similar?

  • #87305
     Landy 
    Participant

    Yes. And I just asked myself how I’d feel if I didn’t make a statement and woke up one morning in the future to hear or read that he’d killed someone.

  • #87309
     Random. 
    Participant

    Yeah that’s true that would be an awful feeling. I just feel it’s the ultimate betrayal as he absolutely despises the police & everyone else would hate me too. He has said he’d only be doing this group thing if it meant we’d stay together, otherwise he said there’s just no point & he’d just want to stay the way he is. Where as I want him to do it for himself, regardless of whether we’d stay together or not.
    There’s just so many things to battle.

  • #87321
     Landy 
    Participant

    My ex hates the police too. Mainly because they keep arresting him and as they deal with scumbags like him every day, saw through him from day one.

  • #87326
     Random. 
    Participant

    Yeah I guess thats it they’re going to hate them if they feel like they’re always after them. Maybe if they didn’t keep messing up they wouldnt be hounded by them..

  • #89329
     Anonymous

    By him saying he is only doing this programme if you stay together that’s an element of control, because you may feel you can not leave as he is doing this for ‘you’, when really he should be doing it for himself.

  • #89335
     fizzylem 
    Participant

    Please do report, not just to protect others – do it for yourself also. Stand up for yourself and to abuse.
    It is his behaviour that has landed him in trouble, not you reporting it.

    ‘I couldnt walk properly for a while’ – but it’s ok because he looked after me after??! You wouldnt have needed this at all if he hadn’t hurt you, I suspect the panic attack is also related to this relationship as well yes?

    Of course he’s ‘nice’ after he’s abused you – to mess with your head, confuse you and keep you from running away. Here’s the thing, he isnt a nice person is he if he’s treating you this way. It makes no difference that he’s nice sometimes because you fear him erupting at any moment and know only too well how abusive he can be.

    Take someone with you for support, if you have a WA’s support worker this would be great.

    You have absolutely nothing to feel guilty about – he has manipulated you into thinking and feeling this way. You don’t owe him a thing, your commitment ended the very first time he abused you because you never signed up to that x

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