Should I move?

[Cupcake]

Hi need some advice please.
I’ve been in a abusive relationship for (detail removed by Moderator). I moved to his area to be with him and had my son and daughter. The relationship ended last (detail removed by Moderator) but in (detail removed by Moderator) he raped me . we were not together he did because he had lost control of me. He always said he owned me and the only way I was going was if he decided to let me go. I reported to domestic help and they got me a idva and by (detail removed by Moderator) I had the strength to go to the police. He was arrested a few weeks ago but it failed on evidence for cps. I am in trauma counselling and have been diagnosed with PTSD and rape trauma syndrome. I’ve had 10 sessions and slowly getting better.
Basically my house is still police alarmed and I carry a personal alarm. Through my idva and the police they are getting me moved back to my area . but I’m nervous as daft as it sounds I like where I live. My children are settled at school . its just him. If I new he has gone away forever I could stay but he lives only (detail removed by Moderator) away. I would be moving because I’m scared of him. Do I hold my head up high and stay? And risk having to face him one day . if he comes near me the police have said press my alarm.
Or do I move and hide and make a fresh start. I can’t decide. All my friends and family want me to move. The friends I’ve made here want Me too stay . I want to do what’s right for me and the children. I am just confused x

[White Rose]

What do you WANT to do?
Forget what people are telling you (unkess its police for your safety!)
You say children are settled, why unsettle them?
If he’s (detail removed by Moderator) away your paths might cross. My ex is about same from me but I’ve not bumped into him at all by chance – mind you we are opposite ends of a reasonable size town with no shared friends.
Follow your heart and put your and your childrens needs and wants first x*x

[Cupcake]

Hi thanks for your reply x I want to stay I think. The past few months I’ve made some real friends who have supported me so much. The children are settled.
But I am scared of him even thourgh I do have the law on my side now. The police lady’s ringing me (detail removed by Moderator) so ile ask her if I have to move for safety. Or see what safety plan could be made here. (detail removed by Moderator) I’m not sure how long the alarms will stay in the house. Ile ask when she rings (detail removed by Moderator). I do need to think about what’s best for the children and me. Its just hard when everyone is telling you what they want you to do. Ive got therapy (detail removed by Moderator) so ile talk to her about it too she’s really good and understanding. Xx

[KIP.]

Hi, take your time and don’t rush into anything. I was kind of frozen for a couple years and felt a move was too much to deal with. I was trauma bonded to my home. That’s where the assaults took place but it was also my safe place where I would run with panic attacks. And as strange as it sounds, that home, like the abuse had become normal to me. My therapist recently told me I should move as soon as I can away from triggers and memories. The only issue I would be concerned about is his access to your children. If you move hundreds of miles away then it might make a difference with getting him out of their lives too. And if he has access then your family may be of help. Definately get a non mol order. The police need something legal to act upon.

[Suntree]

I wish I had had he courage to move from mine at the beginning to where I would and the kids would have been safer.
As it was I left it too late to move too far away and it prolonged the issues for me, but most of all the abuse for the kids.
Its not about moving because you are scared it will be doing the best thing for you and the kids, even if it is painful at first.

I loved where I lived, I loved my friends and I thought keeping the kids at their school would help them with normality.
I also tried for him to be a “good dad”.

So I moved far enough away for us to be in different area’s. He moved closer to me, then he started to move a little further away. I spent time jumping and scared of bumping into him or anyone else who might know him and me on his side.

The school and school friends, we have had to change those as well. All I did was prolong the pain and as the kids got older they had to leave friends they had for longer.

Remember good friends last even over the miles.

The kids keep in touch with their best friends and I make the effort to have them over for sleepovers which they love. I like too because it even gives me a rest in a strange way.

If the police are suggesting you move for you and the kids safety I would be seriously listening to them.

[Author]

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