Should I reply to him ?

[Tinkerbelle]

I was in an on/off relationship with an extremely mentally abusive man for (detail removed by moderator) years.at first the relationship was great.I fell head over heels in love with him.then the little put downs and negative comments started. If I got upset he said ‘don’t be silly imm only joking.I knew then that I should have walked away from him but for some reason which to this day I do not understand it drew me more to him.anyway things went from bad to worse.he told me ‘my family must never find out about you (apparently his mother wouldn’t approve of me because I am older than him).not only did I have to be kept a ‘secret’,he wouldn’t even add me as a friend on Facebook and I wasn’t allowed to message him on there. Over the (detail removed by moderator) years he drummed it in to me that I was too fat too old too ugly my hair nails clothes aren’t good enough.he said he could never take me to a restaurant because people would point and laugh.it seemed like it was all so calculated like he was trying so hard to destroy me.really the final straw came when he was supposed to see me one night and let me down at the last minute (which he used to do all the time – another one of his little mind games) anyway he goes out instead gets drunk and has sex with this woman then he sends me a video of it.it honestly gave me such a shock I had a complete panic attack I thought I was having a heart attack and loosing my mind at the same time.obviously I broke up with him then but did almost get back with him again then decided against it (about time).that was (detail removed by moderator) months ago and he is still calling and texting.up to now I have ignored him then (detail removed by moderator) ago he texted saying he has cancer.I don’t know if its true or just another mind game.I have managed to not reply to him but imm finding it so difficult. I know if I do the abuse will start all over again.I have no idea why but I still love him and I feel angry with myself for this.I know he will never change and I know I deserve a lot better.

[Lifeiswonderful]

Hi Tinkerbelle,

I was in a mentally and physically abusive relationship up until (detail removed by moderator) years ago. I was with this man for (detail removed by moderator) years. He was my life and I knew no different. One day I woke up and, like you, realised I deserved more… please stay strong and try not to reply to him… like you say it’s all mind games. I’m now with a younger man who has shown me what true love really is. Hang on in there, go with your gut… surround yourself with people who know your true value and cut ties with those who do not. I passed my ex the other day, I was no longer scared nor intimidated. I knew I was better and worth more than he deserved. You’re already half way there and soon enough you’ll start to find yourself again. We all have the power to rise above these God awful men and live the life we were meant to. Stay safe x*x

[Iwantmeback]

In a word NO. IF he has cancer, it’s sad, but it’s karma too. He doesn’t deserve your compassion or being there for him after what he put you through. He’s probably looking for someone to take care of him, yet will use having cancer to bully and abuse you even more if you went back there.
Only you can make that choice. You could text him that you’re sorry to hear his news but you don’t want to get involved with him in any way. or you could text him to say, that it’s karma after the horrible way he treated you he’s got something horrible and evil eating away at him now. Abuse is like cancer it doesn’t care who it hurts, you cut out your cancer when you got him out of your life, don’t invite it back in. 💕

[Flowerchild]

No. A thousand times no. Because he’s almost certainly lying about having cancer. Because even if he has, you’re not an oncologist, are you? Because even if you are, you can’t treat someone you were in a relationship with. Because you didn’t give him cancer. Because his health is his problem, not yours. Because he’s probably playing the victim to reel you right back in. Because he doesn’t deserve the time of day from you. Because if he wants sympathy, he can look in the dictionary where he’ll find it somewhere between sh*t and syph*l*s. I’d block him so he can’t reach in and mess with your mind, darling.

Flower x

[Iwantmeback]

Way to go @flower, 😘💪

[HopeLifeJoy]

Just by reading your title my response is No, don’t contact him. If he has cancer, he can go to his GP, that’s where he’ll get referred for further treatment.
He is not your problem and most probably is lying anyway like others have said and I like IWMB’s comment, it’s karma lol. Absolutely.

[EbonyRaven]

He’s trying to play the pity party card. Tell him you’re too busy counting your blessings to attend, so have thrown away your invitation.

Even if he is ill he doesn’t deserve to have you nurse him, and you don’t deserve to be abused and bullied all the more or ever again. He will get the care and treatment he needs in any case.

[Tinkerbelle]

Thanks everyone for your comments its helped me so much already and made me feel that little bit stronger x

[Doris]

Flowerchild, you’re a poet. ‘Sympathy is somewhere between s**t and syph****s.’ I was creased up with laughter – what a wonderful saying. Tinkerbelle, like everybody else says … keep away from him. His mission is to mess with your mind. X

[Author]

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