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Hi I finally got out of my abusive relationship very recently. I have a young child and I’m very pregnant. After opening up to some family they think I should report him to the police as just before I left there was a incident where my ex threw things at me and our child and also slammed a door on my arm is I tried to get through it. All of it was sound recorded on my phone as his abuse was getting worse I started to try and get proof. I also have photos of the bruises he gave me. Should I report him? I spoke to the helpline on here but was told to get legal advice so now I’m unsure of what to do. I just want to protect my babies from him as I feel he is a danger to them.
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Well done for getting out, good to read. It would be good if you could get a conviction for the abuse and it could help in family court, but this is not essential, the abuse can still be acknowledged. If you do go to the police it would be good if you can speak to an officer in the DA team, not all towns and cities have them though, depends where you are. I’m thinking it would not hurt to go to the police and talk it through with them, to see if there is anything they could do.
Sounds like your youngest may be too young to make a statement. Does this child want to see his dad? Do you think dad will want to see his children? Some do but others don’t, sadly some see it as way to continue to control and abuse.
It maybe that you get some kind of protection in place with an order; hence the need for legal advice. This may cost but it is highly unlikely you will regret getting one, I think you’d only regret not getting one further down the line. It’s not too much cost and I think there are some charities that can help as well if you needed help with this.
Try a few solicitors, some give a free half an hour or an initial phone consultation – glean a bit of info from each of these sessions, see if you qualify for legal aid and see if there’s one that stands out for you should you decide to enlist one.
Is any of the abuse on your medical record? This helps and is needed for the legal aid as a GP letter is required.
Sounds like what WA are saying is perhaps the next step is to look into protection orders x
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fizzylem, my child is too young to make a statement (detail removed by moderator) but luckily too young to understand some of the things my ex said infront of her as he said he didn’t want her. My ex has two children from a previous relationship which their mother stopped him from having contact over (detail removed by moderator) years ago now due to him getting drunk while looking after them alone, she told him to take her to court if he wanted to see them. My ex hasn’t bothered getting contact with them and never took her to court and has also never paid her child maintenance. so I was hoping he would be the same and not bother with getting contact. But if he did try and get contact through court I’m hoping that me reporting him to the police would going in my favour as it would prove the extent of the abuse he did.
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I think you should report the abuse. Purely for the reason that you’re starting as you mean to go on. Having reported the abuse, going forward, I think will put you in a stronger position with regards to any contact. In my opinion the abuse gets worse, but different tactics used, with separation and the children are very often used as a means to continue and control. By reporting him, you’re letting him know that you will no longer be bullied and intimidated by him. I also recorded an assault. I was so sure nobody would believe me. He had very often told me this. It was all taken very seriously. Lean on women’s aid for advice, they’re the experts in this field. I only reported everything when my ex was bailed and I felt safe to do so x bail is also free if there is enough evidence. For a civil order you will need to present the case and evidence x
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yes without a shadow of a doubt report him. i can say this happened to me the exact same senario (a few times actually) and this was enough to get him away from me completely. so the court stipulated a contact centre for contact and i was allowed a third party to communicate. (court detail removed by moderator) it was enough eventually to get him away from us completely. please report this xxxx love diymum
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He most likely will only threaten me with court, he threaten last year when I tried to break up with him that he’ll take our daughter and ill never see her again. but seeing that he hasn’t tried with his other kids I’m hoping he won’t bother especially if I report him it’ll be on record the things he’s done and that might deterrent him from bothering as it surely would go against him. I have contacted the police to report him and am now waiting for them to come and see me to make a statement. I only have audio recording of the incident of him throwing things at both me and my daughter and also him slamming the door closed on my arm. I have photos of the bruises too. I’m hoping this is evidence enough. x*x
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My ex threatened me for years that he would take my son and I would never see him again. They make it sound so easy lol. It’s what many of them do. Well done for taking this step. At least his behaviour will be recorded and he will be on their radar now. They have no interest in their children except as a weapon. It sounds like you have good evidence, that with your statement should give the police some solid backing. How dare he put you and your child in danger. They’re bullies underneath. Picking on women and children is the lowest of the low. You can use Claire’s Law to find out if he has any previous dealings with the police regarding domestic abuse x
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Talk on here to everyone has helped lots, thank you. I just wish I had the courage years ago when I was given a card for a DA helpline from the police after a incident where he was removed from our house. I feel so stupid not seeking help before. Talking through things that have happened has made me realise how much I’ve put up with. He never saw anything he was doing as abuse and would call me pathetic or I was over reacting. I’ve never felt stronger then how I do now.
I won’t mention about him threatening court xx -
It took me decades to stand up to my abuser. I didn’t even realise I was being abused. It was made out to be my fault and I believed him. His threats and threats kept me trapped for years. We can only make that move to safety when we have our head in the right place. It sounds like now is the right time for you. I told the police he threatened to take my child from me if I left or called the police. You could tell them this without mentioning court. Just stick to the truth and you won’t get caught out. Ask for domestic abuse police if you haven’t already x
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Dear lotsofjellytots
Please don’t judge yourself for not acting sooner.
There’s so much to work out, understand and build your inner strength to get to a place of being able to act, and more importantly safely.
You need to act at a time when you can recognise and think clearly.
You need to do what his ex did from the sounds of it!
It’s free to get a non-molestation, and if you withhold contact it will be down to him to pursue that through court
For now get legal protection with a free non-molestation against him, exparte.
It will take an hour approx and be done within a day all you need are examples of his behaviour.
Did his ex have him charged, or report him for anything?
If so, use Clare’s Law to have this disclosed, and draw the police attention to it as you are now in the same boat sadly.
Warmest wishes
TS
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