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The harassment of my abusive ex is getting so stressful, its really getting me down today. I’ve told him (previously) multiple times to leave me alone but he will not get the message and pretends nothing is wrong, as if we are still close
companions . I know he has been checking to see when I am home, I try not to have a routine pattern but I really hate the idea that I am being watched.
If I report it to the police will it make him worse? I’ve never spoken to the police about anything and I feel anxious about doing that but also if they were to speak to him he would wheedle his way out of it under the guise of being friendly and tell them I am the one being hostile for reporting it, when all I want to do is ignore him and have a quiet life minding my own business?
Should I report it, or just reiterate again the boundaries and the fact that I have no interest in having anything to do with him? -
Hi Sunshine,
You know, I think it’s taken me years to learn about the tactics of abusers. Sometimes I wonder at how I can be so slow but the one thing that I have noticed from very early on is how good our abusers are at maintaining a culture of silence around what they do.
All our fears about what will happen if you tell.
It doesn’t sound like respecting your boundaries is his strong suit so not sure how much impact that will have.
Other ladies on here know all about legal stuff that you can do to protect yourself. In the meantime, if you’re not already keeping a record of everything that he is doing, now would be a good time to start.
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Sunshine227
Hope you’re okay!? I would say if you feel strong enough to go to the police then do it. If you feel that you’ll be safe afterwards then you should go for it. This is harassment and not okay. If you or I behaved like this to a neighbour etc then we’d have the police coming to our door.
He’s still abusing you but changed his tactics a little. It’s frustrating though, when they have these great acting skills that they can turn on or off. My abuser does come across most of the time as being a nasty man but he could switch that on and off to this advantage. This is when you start doubting that you’ll be believed.
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