Should I return?

[Sungirl]

So I know what everyone will say, but please hear out my thoughts that I have been battling with. Me and my 3 kids left husband (detail removed by Moderator) weeks ago, have been staying with my parents. History of emotional and psychological abuse/controlling behaviour towards the teens. be Parents house is overcrowded and not suitable long term. My youngest wants to return, wants her space/toys/things. Mine and her routine has been disrupted the most. My older 2 are teens and they don’t want to return. Mentally I am really struggling not being in our house. I am starting a new job in (detail removed by Moderator) that I was really looking forward to but need to be home as need the space for WFH.have been trying to negotiate with the husband that he moves out but he has been VERY difficult and at times saying he is suicidal and has been advised by professionals and his GP not to leave. Started application for an Occupation Order but been advised by Solicitor this can take up to 1 year and because he is suicidal will probably be 50/50 whether they side in my favour. Solicitor suggested I return and apply for a Divorce as will be quicker. Struggling to work out what is the best. Contacted local DV support but waiting list for support worker and counselling. Husband is now on best behaviour and thinks we can re-build things, which I don’t want. Told him I want divorce but he is in denial. Have been working on myself the past few weeks and feeling mentally stronger/ understanding the abuse patterns etc. should we return to our house and all live together whilst I start the divorce process? I can’t bare our current situation anymore as nothing is moving forwards for us, we are stuck in limbo.

[minimeerkat]

when reading your situation & all the difficulties it is presenting it is understandable you wanting to return (you & your childs routine, upcoming new job)
its just such a shame that you havent got your da support worker on board yet due to the wait. would it help at all to contact the live chat or email on this site even if its just to get their thoughts in the meantime
was your solicitor recommended by your local da service – is he/she experienced in domestic abuse. hopefully they are, & if not there is the rightsofwomen website which is run by solicitors (giving free legal advice)
will returning to the marital home go against you in any way eg. re: domestic abuse & whether it is automatically assumed that the abuse cannot be that bad if someone chooses to go back & live with their abuser
and do you feel that you will be strong enough to cope with living under the same roof as your partner – you say you are beginning to feel stronger which could probably be influenced by being away from him. if you return, will this undo any of your own progress. its really not easy at all living alongside a partner you are planning to leave
it is such a shame there is a waiting list at the moment & if you are unwilling to wait until your da support worker makes contact. but i can only hope that if you feel you are unwilling to wait that you have every faith in your solicitor because he/she is experienced in domestic abuse x

[minimeerkat]

oh thats such good news that you will at least try the helpline first before making any decisions. dont get me wrong, i know how stressful & frustrating your situation is, & deep down you just want the quickest solution possible – its completely understandable
but might be better to talk to those who have experience of abusive relationships & at least see if they are able to address some of these concerns – plus you could also try to find an appropriate solicitor through them if it turns out that the one you are using does not have the relevant experience
i have used the email contact on this site myself in the past, & all i can say is that they got back to me quite quickly & were extremely helpful. so certainly another way for you to try x

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