Should I take things further with the police?

[Balloons]

Hi, I’m new to this and a bit nervous about posting. I managed to separate from my husband (detail removed by moderator) ago after he had been mentally and emotionally abusive. He was very clever and never showed anyone else how manipulative he was and has always been a victim, spreading lies about me and always twisting the truth. Over the last few weeks things have got worse again. Hes been threatening to come to the house and take our (detail removed by moderator) year old sons away from me, and I ended up calling the police I was so scared. They took a statement from me, and have now recorded a crime of coercive and controlling behaviour. They told me that the next step is for me to give a full victims statement, then they would interview him and send it to the courts to decide what to do next. Once I give this statement it will be out of my hands and I cant change my mind and it might mean going to court and having to defend myself against him and all his lies. This really scares me. I fluctuate between thinking that I should do it, to finally put an end to it all and to hopefully stop his controlling tirades (even though we dont live together he still tries to control me through the children). I sometimes feel like I’ve just had enough of it all and I want to take action and make a stand against this kind of behaviour. But then I just feel tired by it all, and taking it further with the police feels like dragging it all out even longer. There is still a part of me that still feels sorry for him too, and very sad that this is where my life has ended up. I really believed he was the one I was going to spend my life with.

I suppose I’m just looking for advice on what other people who understand first hand. If anyone has been through a similar dilemma and what they chose to do? I suppose I worry because he never attacked me that I’m just making this all much more serious than it actually was. He would often lose his temper and smash things up and scream and shout, sometimes in front of the children too if he didnt get his own way. I had to live by strict rules and if I broke them or slipped up he would explode in a rage or just go silent, sometimes for weeks on end. I was left trying to raise the twins with no help from him because he would stay in bed all day.

Sorry this is so rambling, my mind feels like cotton wool and I just want to be able to move on from it all, but feel like whichever option I take at this point is just going to lead to more problems.

 

[KIP.]

My advice is to make the full statement. Abusing you in front of your children is child abuse and unless you make a stand now, you and your children will have a lifetime of abuse and that will impact badly on their mental health as well as yours. If the police are willing to help given the circumstances at the moment please grab this help with both hands. You need a support network round you. You may also need this kind of evidence should he take the children and not return them. Use the police, that’s what they’re there for. He is not your responsibility. You need protection and this is the way to get it. Ring women’s aid for support and advice. They have a national domestic abuse helpline. Your local one should be able to help you too if it’s still open. Please don’t back down now while there is help available x I know it’s scary but the alternative is years of this x

[Iwantmeback]

Hi yes and take things further. You are being the best parent in a horrible situation. Yes he will tell lies, what you need to do is collect facts. Just how you talk what you say will ‘prove’ to the authorities that he’s abusive. It’s not all about bruises and broken bones. Build up professional support network. Get your GP on board, talk to them, really open up how he’s treated you and the children. This is evidence to prove he’s the bad parent not you. Try and not get into any conversations with him. If he starts texting or continually phoning text him asking him to stop, if after 2 requests he eil continues tell him you’re going to the police as he’s then classed as harassing you. If you continue dialogue it could be construed as just a falling out, which those of us who still do continue some contact know isn’t the case but can’t stop fir fear of what he’ll do. Don’t be fooled by tales of how he’s changed will be a better person or the stereotypical threat of suicide. He will do anything to win you back, its easier for him to continue abusing you than train another person.
Take strength in knowing that deep down he’s a bully, he has to be in control at all costs. Any future decisions he makes to further intimidate will go against him. Block his number, ignore him when you can.
Best wishes IWMB 💞💞

[Balloons]

Thank you both for your advice, you have given me courage to go ahead with it. It all feels a bit unreal and like it’s not really my life. I cant imagine feeling normal again, whatever that was. Thank you again x*x

[Iwantmeback]

You’ll be a different version of you that’s all. Best of luck, we’re all here fir you.
IWMB 💞💞

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