Should I tell his wife?

[Copperflame]

Hi Ladies,

Last week I posted about a date I’d had with a really creepy guy who seemed quite predatory. I cut the date short and went home early because there were quite a few red flags, one of which was he’d told me he was single but then admitted he was married – although he claimed his marriage had broken down. He also claimed his wife was a “violent drunk” – another red flag since many perpetrators of abuse claim to be the victim.

I’ve blocked him, but his wife is on social media and I’ve been wondering all week whether I should tell her about me. A part of me is wondering whether to just let sleeping dogs lie and put the experience behind me, but on the other hand I feel sufficiently angry with him to want to tell her.

I know that if my husband was playing around I would want to know. I’ve been in the unfortunate position of having had two emotionally abusive relationships. When I discovered that abuser No 1 was having an affair, it gave me the impetus to divorce him after years of unhappiness.

I felt this guy was creepy and rather predatory. While we were walking he suddenly grabbed me without warning and started kissing me, but I pushed him away and said his behaviour was inappropriate. Given his behaviour I suspect he was a player and I doubt the was the first time he’d played around. His profile pic was fake too.

I do feel tempted, but was just wondering what you ladies think?

[KIP.]

Could he find you if you told her. How safe would it be for you? If he’s using a fake profile I’d report him to the site moderator anyway. Not sure how I’d react. If I could do it completely anonymously I’d send her the link to his profile page and let her do the rest.

[Copperflame]

I’ve been wondering about my safety if I were to tell her, and I don’t know if I could do so anonymously.

A friend fled a violent relationship and I helped her get to a place of safety. What neither of us realised was that her perp had put a tracker on her phone, and the night after I took her to the safe place, I woke up next morning to find my car had been damaged. I did report it but there was no evidence it was him. However I’ve been paranoid about my car since then. Unfortunately this guy saw my car and has a rough idea where I live, so on reflection I’m not going to take the risk. I will inform the site though. Thanks KIP.

[J@jmum]

Yerrr id suggest not going directly to her and divulging what happened.
You can’t guarantee she will believe you or take your side so may then tell him all about what you’ve said and he prob quickly realise it was you. You don’t know what he is capable of.
Don’t put yourself in harms way.
But I know your conscience and good nature wants to help the wife, if there’s ways to drip her info, anonymously email links to her or something, but in a way that won’t be obvious to him that is was you.
Or leave a gap of time between your encounter with him and you sending her info. So he doesn’t instantly think of you as the culprit.
Be careful hunny.

[Copperflame]

Thanks Ladies,

Having thought about it some more, I’ve decided not to contact her because I don’t want to risk my safety knowing what these men are capable of.

A while ago I helped a friend, who was desperate and in dire need, to get to a place of safety. She wasn’t aware her perp had put a tracker on her phone, but then my car was damaged and I had to spend money I could ill afford to put it right. I couldn’t prove it was him, but what happened has made me very wary.

I’m even toying with the possibility of moving even though I like where I live, because I don’t feel safe any more and worry that her perp could target me again.

I’m going to put this incident behind me. What it has taught me is I need to tighten up my boundaries when it comes to men. xx

[Author]

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