Sick of being a victim!

[Stella]

I keep giving him another chance and then when he treats me like c**p again I feel like a pathetic victim.
I’m actually just a victim of my own stupidity.
My life is a never ending circle of hopefulness and regret.
Every time I think things are getting better he just invents a new problem for me to solve.
I’ve run out of people to talk to…burned all my bridges.
Just had enough of the mind games.
I don’t even know how to be normal with anyone anymore. What is normal?
I feel guilty for everything. Even for having my period because it means I can’t have sex. He says “you’ve got more than one hole” it doesn’t exactly put me in the mood but then I feel like I’m abusing him by not keeping him satisfied.
Sorry for going off on one…It just gets to me sometimes.

[KIP.]

Hey Stella, it takes great courage to get off the roundabout of abuse. Abusers make us addicted to their behaviour and mess with our heads. One day you will reach your breaking point and say enough is enough. Meantime get in touch with women’s aid and take all the help you can. You deserve so much more x

[Stella]

Thank-you for the support ladies.

I’m just too patient for my own good and put up with too much.
It takes ALOT for me to lose my temper and I don’t stay cross or hold grudges for long enough!

In general life my calm and kind nature is a good thing but in this relationship it just lets me down x

[AlwaysSorry]

I’m so sorry he is doing this to you. My ex was the same when I had my period. There was even a rule what I would have to do on a specific day of the week whenever I had my period. It wouldn’t have been abusive of me to have refused, but I was too scared to and the times I did, did not end well for me and I’d end up having to do it anyway. You are not abusive for not being in the mood. You are under no obligation to keep him satisfied. You have nothing to feel guilty for. But this is what abuse does to us – we live in a FOG (fear, obligation, guilt). Please listen to KIP and reach out to WA so you can get some good support in place. You can always talk to us on here and you can always call WA, too. Please know that this is none of your doing and please don’t blame yourself x The blame lies with him x

[Lisa]

Hi Stella,

I just want to reach out and show you some support too. I am sorry for how he is treating you. Doing anything sexually when you don’t want to is sexual abuse and you should not have to feel guilty for saying no. Even feeling like you have to have sex with someone to keep the peace or change the mood is a form of sexual abuse. Please do try to find a safe time to phone the helpline. They can help you to consider your options. You are a strong woman, enduring an abusive relationship is a true test of strength and I hope that the helpline can help you to see a way forward.

Best wishes,

Lisa
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