Sick of it all

[Serenity]

The time has come for the house to be transferred fully into my name.

I have no extra money. I’m trying to keep afloat by shopping at discount stores:
My ex left me with huge unpaid bills.

I took my kids last year for a holiday which I got at a discount price. It was well and truly needed. Other than that, I’ve been like Scrooge, sussing out the bargains.

Now I have a letter from my solicitor, listing expected costs. I don’t have the money.

My mum helped me buy him out by loaning me the money, but she’s been quite unkind this week. I wouldn’t be surprised if it was timed. She does nice things- then makes you ‘pay’ by making you suffer.

If my kids were in desperate situations, I know I would help them if I could, and I certainly wouldn’t lower the time by making them feel they needed to flaglate themselves to thank me by making them feel dehumanised.

I feel angry with myself for being so stupid for so long. He was putting money away for years. He’s sitting in clover. I was stupidly honest and hid nothing, spending my hard earned on the kids and trying to keep him happy with nice meats for dinner- even though I’m a life long vegetarian! I spent everything on my family, whilst he hid money away.

I don’t know what to do. This is my last big bill. But my solicitor says that my ex could be awkward, which would incur costs.

Sometimes I wonder if it’s all worth it. I wish I’d been clued up about him years ago. I could have saved the money I now need. Where has honesty and love got me?

[KIP.]

Hey Serenity. Just think of the qualities that have got you this far. Take 24 hours to let the letter sink in, then get practical. Will your solicitor let you pay their fees monthly? Can you ask the court to award your costs to your ex because of his dishonesty? Is there any equity you can release in your home? It’s always toxic shock dealing with these monsters. Honesty and love makes you a decent human being who can look in the mirror without shame and with dignity. You’ve done so well. You will manage because you’re a survivor ❤️

[White Rose]

KIPs right. Stand back big breath and do what you’re so good at – being rational.
Solicitors bills made me sick – literally. I thought I’d paid it all and there was always more.
Talk to solicitor, discuss a plan if possible.
Will you have a mortgage? If not could you afford a small one or a loan and use advance to get head above water and pay it off in small amounts. I hate loans but if solicitor wont adapt for your need maybe it’s an option.
Citizens advice might help advise too.
So sorry it’s happening but you’re so close now don’t lose sight of the prize x*x

[Serenity]

Thank you, both. X*x

[Nova]

Hi Serenity, I’m sorry to hear your having a tough time, and as the ladies have said…keep going, you can do this. Plan & practical. I’m in a similar situ…money/ solicitor sleepless nights! Instead I’m going to do my own action plan! 🙂
Today I’m going to sit down and write out who needs what, ask for a payment plan, prioritise, and ask for help from my family, and ring CAB and there’s a local legal centre (free half hour) for some support.
We have to find all this out, to survive, as he is like many of them, sitting pretty at our expense.

Even if it’s a small loan it all counts, as help..as stepping stones!
I’m also going to do some ad-hoc work as extra to boost my income, and ask about HB. Seriously I’m getting all the help I need atm in whatever format, until I get through this.
Cx

[Dragonfly]

Hi Serenity

I think CAB is a good idea, they will definitely guide and advise you. They have legal advisors too. I spoke to one of them before. They will help you put things in place. At the end of the day if you haven’t got the money to pay up front you need to try to pay it up. Surely a solicitor can’t refuse a realistic payment plan.

I wish you luck xx

[Ayanna]

I hope this financial issue looks a bit brighter. Money issues suck.

[Jupiter]

Hi Serenity

Just read your news now as I have been busy the last few days. Its very unfair re your legal bill and you have got this far already jumping through hoops!
I dont know if this group can help but they seem to operate based on low income but no legal aid as well.Not sure of all the details. Called Bar Pro Bono Unit tel 02070923960 mon wed fri 10.30-2pm. If they cant advise or help maybe they could direct you to another source of support.
E mail: enquiries@BarProBono.org.uk
I hope you receive something-you deserve it.
Wishing you lots of luck.
Jupiter xx

[Falling Skys]

Hi xx my solicitor let me pay off my bill by standing order. I felt sick when I saw for the first time but I have now clear it.

And it’s so sickening when you have been up front and they haven’t. Within weeks of being to court and him pleading poverty he bought a very expensive motor bike. But karma comes and some one back into it ☺.

You will get through this your a survivor

FS xx

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