Silenced by how much I love him

[Butterfly-A]

Hi everyone,

I am new to this.
I’m not even sure if this is the right place for me, maybe it’s all in my head.

Ive been struggling for some time.

My relationship is just as complicated as anyone else’s.

Me and my husband have been together coming up to (detail removed by Moderator) years now, married (detail removed by Moderator) years.
We met when I was young, he is (detail removed by Moderator) years older than me.
My husband is not from the UK, he’s here on a spousal visa, this is where things get complicated. He doesn’t have any friends or family in the UK and is fully dependent on me.

We get on some times, but I feel like I’m walking on egg shells all the time.
He controls what I wear (not physically choosing day but day but he will for sure tell me I look ugly if he doesn’t like what I’m wearing), he no longer allows me to wear makeup and when I do again tells me it makes me look ugly.
He encouraged us to move away from my family, we now live in a different city. I’m scared to see any friends because he tells me I am wasting my time and should be spending time with him, same with my family.
He will comment on everything I do.

We argue often and usually it gets pretty bad, he always threatens me that he will kill himself or leave and I will never see him again.
His mental health is not stable but he refuses to get help.

When I have told him before that I dont like how he is treating me, he will turn it all around.

He is basically very controlling and (detail removed by Moderator).

I know I would be happier without him but I am scared because I love him so much and it took a lot og time and money for us to be together in the UK.

Feeling lonely and stuck.

Praying for you all,

Butterfly-A x*x

[Lisa]

Hello Butterfly-A,

Thank you for your post and welcome to the forum.

I’m so sorry to hear what you’re going through and how stuck you are feeling at the moment. You’re not alone in feeling that way, many women here on the forum will have experienced that feeling of being trapped and feeling that there are many obstacles when considering the idea of leaving the relationship.

Beginning to talk about what you’re going through and reaching out for support is a huge first step which takes a lot of courage so it’s great that you have begun to do this.

It might be useful to connect with a local specialist domestic abuse service in your area for some practical and more in-depth support too. You can find your nearest service here: https://www.womensaid.org.uk/womens-aid-directory/

Take care and keep posting to let us know how you’re doing.

Lisa

[Author]

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