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I am desperately trying to get on with my life and support my 2 children. We are living with family and are waiting to be housed. I’m now claiming benefits and I’ve also had to increase my working hours to support this.
I’m feeling really low and stressed due to my childcare arrangements falling through with family so I’m having to look for alternative care. Can he dictate where and who our (age removed by moderator) year old is cared for by?? I am under great pressure to sort this out!
We had already chosen a pre school prior to the split but he’s trying to now put pressure on via solicitor to attend the first sessions. I don’t want him there, I feel our daughter will not settle easily with him present as he has always taken her away from any upset so never learnt to deal with it.
Contact has recently resumed on a gradual basis and the arrangement is that our daughter is with me until a final decision.
I feel like he is trying to manipulate me via the solicitor and he wants to make me look bad.
I am trying to do the best by our child but he sees me as difficult. He knows I’m still vulnerable.
I have been free from him and now I’ve had to let him back in again. How do I stand up to him? I don’t want to continue to be bullied into letting him have his way.
So can I just organise the childcare setting to suit us and my work? I want to work and I don’t want him controlling me through his PR 😭 -
You make your own plans always putting your child’s welfare first and nobody can use that against you. Cut him out and if he’s not happy he can take you to court. He is instructing his solicitor and telling them what to write. Don’t be bullied. Especially when it comes to working. That’s your lifeline and independence. He should be glad you’re working to help support his child. Don’t give him the opportunity to mess you about. If you have a solicitor then lean on their advice but you know your child best. Tell him she won’t settle easily if he’s there. If he insists on going, there will be professionals there who will take over and look after your child. You could allow him to go knowing your child has a support network of teachers who will help and hopefully put him in his place. Children are quite resilient and often play up for a parent. He will always do the opposite of what you want but you can use this against him.
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How about calling his bluff and getting him to take her and you collect her. If he knows it’s going to bother you he will dig deep. Do you have it in you to smile at him and say no problem. You take her. I collect her. I wonder if he would then back down. My ex would just argue against everything because he knew which buttons to push. You know him best so use that knowledge.
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Thanks @kip I appreciate your advice. Without obviously going into detail he’s already taken me to court. He wants to be in control. He’s still in our family home we rented and he’s constantly blocking access to me so I can’t easily get things as and when I need to. I’ve tried going via my solicitor to access stuff so I’m not left with nothing but he’s just constantly playing games.
Wit msg this was over x
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