Single mom now..is it going to get easier?

[Indiansummer]

Hi,
I have recently separated from my emotionally abusive husband. I took our children to live with me, and now the reality of being a single parent is hitting me hard. I don’t trust for my ex partner to be taking the children to his place or even see them without me being present, so I bear the full responsibility for them. And it is hard. I have this fear that I will not be able to cope with it eventually and will call my ex for help..and I hate myself for even having this thoughts. Because I do not want him to even come to my place ever (he was also abusing me financially – stealing from me, so I never felt like my belongings were safe).

I really hope it’s going to get easier.

[keepmovingfoward]

im a single mum for the second time now, it does get easier. you will learn to appreciate it.

key thing i find is make sure you get what your entitled to, call welfare rights or citizens advice, they will check you are claiming everything you should be for your situation.
then learn to budget, if like me your were financially restrained, having freedom to spend can make you a little too loose with funds initially, so setting up a spreadsheet and monitoring your income and spending is helpful to make sure all your bases are covered.

key 2 – learn to enjoy your precious children again, read, play, teach them to cook, draw, stick, play games, it doesnt have to cost much, but i realised just how much time my abuser absorbed and in turn prevented me having quality time with my children, i had to reteach myself to interact with them on their terms again as i realised i’d been hands off parenting for a while.

things i love – the children will now help me tidy, i don’t have a third stubborn child making a mess or excessive demands, i have time to run errands and self care, i can shop to a budget without having to buy un-neccessary luxury items, i don’t get random moaning in the background because i didn’t get time to do something that i didn’t consider to be a priority, i can clean the house and it stay relatively clean it doesn’t have some-one being lazy and disruptive leaving wrappers and dirty clothing everywhere. just to name a few irritating aspects of my never please abuser who consumed every waking hour.

[Indiansummer]

Hi Keepmovingforward,

Thank you for your reply and support.

I do appreciate that now it’s just me and my children in our home with no shouting, swearing and countless debts.. and I have always been hands on witht the older one, it’s just that I’d only recently had the second baby before separation. So still learning to be a mom of two. It doesn’t help that my whole family live abroad.

I have contacted the citizen advice in order to get more financial security. My next step – is to sort out child maintenance.

Thanks again for your reassurance x

[Confused123]

Hi Hun

I promise u it gets easier, parenting as a single parent is much easier then parenting with an abuser,rebuild your trust and realtionship with your kids, reach out for support that is available. we all feel scared we wont cope, but we do . if your gut is saying u dont trust him with your kids alone, trust your gut

[Indiansummer]

Thank you for your support, Confused123
You were right, it does get easier
And I’m feeling closer and closer to my babies with each day x

[keepmovingfoward]

its nice to hear your settling into having your quality time with your children again, it does get easier, it can feel overwhelming at first as you are dealing it a heck of alot of stuff all at once.
make sure you still take time for yourself. relax, read a book, have a relaxing long bath.

[Dragonfly]

I’m a single mum. Have been for (detail removed by Moderator) yrs now. I had to tell him it was over and he had to leave. I work part time but even the thought of having no money but him away was better than being with him. I was pleasantly surprised. More money, less stress equaled happy life (eventually)

[Author]

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