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I’ve been having vivid nightmares every night since leaving my ex, plus highly disturbed sleep (I used to think I’m just ‘not a good sleeper’ but in hindsight can see he was maximising on that – waking me up every night, snoring loudly but refusing to ‘let me’ sleep in the other room – sounds so innocent, if I say it to anyone they just don’t get it as a part of a wider pattern of coercive control). Anyway now it’s sleep paralysis for the last two nights running. Waking hallucinations of people in my flat (my safe space) wishing me harm, sitting on my bed, etc. The feeling it leaves me with lasts all day, I’m exhausted and trying to cope at work etc. I’m in the process of a clinical assessment for c-PTSD. I’m using it to request an occupational health assessment at work so doing all the ‘right’ things.
But just interested to know how other people have coped with sleep paralysis and awful nightmares and the residual awful feeling after. I am trying to process more in the day so my brain isn’t so busy at night, but the sleep stuff doesn’t seem to be abating, only worsening.
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Hi Mushrooms,
Welcome to the forum and thank you for your post. What you’ve described sounds really distressing. I’m glad that you’re taking steps to get the support you deserve in place. Hopefully some of the other women will be able to reply soon to share their experiences with you.
If you need any guidance on using the forum you can find this in the Forum Guidelines and FAQs. If they don’t answer your question then please feel free to message me.
If you feel like you are in need of some additional support, you could chat to a Women’s Aid worker in confidence via our Live Chat service. They won’t tell you what to do, but can discuss your situation and signpost you to other support that’s relevant for you.
Do keep posting to let us know how you’re getting on.
Best wishes,
Lisa
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it helped me such a lot once i started talking to my trauma counseller because somehow the body starts to actually respond to this person being safe – just hearing their voice can be enough to calm you. also anything that helps to calm your nervous system – just things like breathing exercises & also ones to stimulate your vagus nerve. and if theres anything you enjoy doing that helps relax you this could at least give your mind a break from the constant anxiety. our sleep is so important so it can be a difficult time but once you slowly begin to feel safer which will then calm your nervous system you will start to see quite an improvement. i do hope you receive the help & support you need very soon x
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My sleep has been wrecked since the last few weeks of the relationship and leaving. The only thing that helps is a technique I read about in a book called ‘Comfortable with Uncertainty’ and it’s basic meditation I think. You focus on your breath gently and just ‘observe’ your sensations in your body. You try to not get involved when your thoughts pop into your head, just tap them with a feather and say ‘thought’ and let it go. You stay with the feelings in your body and continue to not be caught up in thoughts. This is the only way I have found to sleep better, but even so, I still often wake up in the middle of the night anxious so it’s not foolproof, but you can keep repeating it.
Long term I guess we need to feel safe to get rid of this anxiety but that’s could take some time as it seems like fear is how these people keep us in line. Didn’t realize how much actually until just recently and now my body is telling me just how stressful and frightening my life was with the abuser.
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