Sliding Into Depression

[JustKeepSinging]

I don’t really know where to start. We’ve been out a while now and I feel like all the ‘support’ has just disappeared.
I can feel myself sliding into depression, I don’t want to do anything except curl up in bed and read or watch mindless tv. I feel like I’m just going through the motions of daily life counting the hours down until I can go to bed but even then I don’t feel I get any mental break as I’m having nightmares all night about my ex and all the other women he cheated on me with and of course if that wasn’t enough my lovely brain is also bringing up all my other loser boyfriends who’ve cheated on me or just been abusive and they are appearing too.
Im struggling to get any work done, the house is tidy but I’m not cleaning properly like I usually do, I can’t seem to muster any enthusiasm for anything at all.
I’ve called my local women’s aid chapter but and basically left begging messages for help but they never get back to me.
I feel completely overwhelmed and don’t even know how to start asking for help or sorting out the future.
I can’t carry on like this – I can’t even look at myself in the mirror I’m so disgusted by how I look and I’m avoiding talking to friends or family because they either talk to me constantly about how I’m doing or don’t mention it at all.
I know it’s just a matter of one step at a time I just don’t know where to start.
I feel incredibly alone. I feel disgusting and I can’t stop asking myself what I did to get myself and my beautiful kids in this situation. I’m worried that I’ll Never be truly loved. I feel like I’m motivated to do things because of what my ex will be doing or what he’d think and I just want him out my head. And the worst thing is I miss him – or the ‘nice’ him and just want him to hold me and tell me everything will be ok (not that he ever did that!). I’ve even considered calling him just to hear his voice and I’m frightened even to look at photos of him or us because it might make me want to get back together.
I know he’ll just be carrying on with his life as if me & the kids never existed and I hate him for that and I hate myself even more ode even caring or thinking about him!
What can I do to get myself out of this hole?

[fizzylem]

Youre out, after a lot of stress no doubt, that required you to keep moving forwards, now there is less to do, oh except the enormous task of getting your life back on track! It’s very normal to reach a position of collapse. I was in this for months. Sleep. If that’s what you feel like doing then curl up and do it. Slowly you will see there are small windows where you can do things again. It starts with self care. This shifts your thinking from him onto you and the more you give to yourself the more you feel the value in doing this as the better you feel – and it snowballs.

Listen to what your body needs and give this to yourself, sleep, fresh air, a smoothie, a walk, some veggies, more water, whatever it is you need, then it will grow into a haircut, a yoga class maybe, coffee with a trusted friend and so on.

When it’s tough and you’re in the hole some people find it useful to start by promising the self I will give myself 3 things today.

Learn to go easy on yourself; beating yourself up will not help in the slightest; you are here through no fault of your own, had things gone how you hoped you would have a happy family; his behaviour led you here – and you will rise again for sure, but for now give yourself what you need and accept you are where you are.

Highly unlikely you can make any sound long term decisions just now, but once you start to feel stronger again you will naturally start to think how would I like things to be now / and next. It will come x

[JustKeepSinging]

Fizzylem thank you so much for your kind words of support.
I’m really trying each day to block out his voice and listen to my own internal one a little more but it’s so hard. I’ve spent so many years ignoring it or being told how I felt or what I wanted to do was wrong that nothing I ‘know’ feels right anymore and I feel like I need to start afresh in so many ways.
I like the idea of 3 things each day for myself – it’s a goal for sure!
Acceptance is the one thing I’ve never been any good at. Maybe this is my time to learn?
Did anyone ever find group therapy or meet ups worked? I have an online counsellor but some days it feels so much to have to start to even explain where I’m at. I feel like I need people who’ve experienced the same thing so I can just say – he’s still in my head and it’s driving me crazy and they’ll know exactly what I mean without me having to analyse it in any depth. Does that make sense? X

[fizzylem]

For sure, yes drove me mad, it’s like feeling obsessed isn’t it and unable to switch it off. I had to process the anger I felt first, felt so mad it made me ill for a while. I think we need others to help us with this.

This is definately a period for building resiliance and making positive changes that help you to feel stronger and wiser. Def work on the self acceptance, can take a person’s mental health in downwards spiral hey when you’re not kind and forgiving on the self, b****y dreadful place. This is def something you could change – and feel much lighter.

I went to the local buddist centre for meditation classes, helped me to gain control over my thoughts, invest more so in love and kindness (him excluded mind – still working on that), for others though, helped shift my thinking, put him out, gain energy.

There’s no one thing that helps, its more a number of people, activities, things, so try any stuff you feel interested in, so you start to gather the things that help. Move on if something doesnt feel right – sounds like you need to start listening to yourself and giving yourself what you need – exploring what helps will help with this. You decide what is right for you now x

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