Small steps…

[Hetty]

I’m still in the very early stages of ‘getting out’. I’ve had the worst week on my life. My break up has brought back childhood trauma and very nearly pushed me back into the arms of my abusive ex husband. I didn’t go back for the sake of my son. I tried meds this week but they didn’t agree with me at all and I had to have a day in bed, I was so sick. I’m back to cold turkey in terms of ridding myself of this awful addiction to my ex.
Anyway, I’ve switched my laptop on for work after a week off. I was dreading it. But here I am still functioning. I’m dressed (in a fashion) and I spoke with the bank this morning to get my name off joint account. I’ve been getting pleading messages off my ex which I haven’t responded to. I do keep having awful thoughts about him with another woman.
I might only be crawling down my road to recovery but I’m moving forward no matter how terrified and lonely it feels.
To those still trapped and those in the journey of recovery – you’re not alone xx

[KIP.]

Hey Hetty, I’ve crawled down that road, then I slowly stood, tripping and falling, then I began walking without stumbling, then I walked with my head high, then I started jogging and now I can run. No one can trip me or push me back down and you will get there too. Only ever look back to see just how far you have come. And you have come such a long way already x

[Hetty]

❤️
I think what I’ve found (to my horror) is that when he’s gone I’m left with other stuff I have to deal with, stuff from my first marriage and childhood. The road is scary and long but this is my one and only chance xx

[KIP.]

How do you eat an elephant? One teaspoon at a time. I firmly believe things happen for a reason and this time is the right time for you to address things that have been weighing you down and affecting your life. There is lots of help out there so just keep reaching out. I found a local charity that offered free trauma therapy. Don’t put pressure on yourself. Many years of unpicking bad memories and difficult events but if I can do it then anyone can. I had decades to unpick. You need to be your own best friend in this recovery period. My favourite thought when struggling was ‘this too shall pass’. You have a wonderful reason to make things work for you. Hold onto that x

[Hetty]

I did my first little upcycling project this past week to keep me occupied. I must say I’m pleased with it and it helped focus my mind – make something new out of something old. My son said “mum, that’s lovely, you see what you can do when you’re not being shouted at all of the time”.

[gettingtired]

😭 your son sounds like an angel.
Well done on your upcycling project. It must be nice doing things for yourself 😊
I know you’re feeling low right now but just want to say that your strength is inspiring. Xx

[KIP.]

He is truly a wise little person. I’m sure my kids knew what was going on in our house but I was so incapacitated by the abuse I couldn’t function. I too upscaled my old furniture. I bought a tin of furniture paint with a chalky finish and painted old pine furniture and it looks great. It was very relaxing too. You should try colouring books for mindfulness and there are some apps too. Anything to relax you and make you feel you’ve achieved something x baby steps x I might invest in a sewing machine. I’m sure youre very creative but that side had been stunted too. It’s our time now x

[Hetty]

Totally stunted. Everything was complained about or obstacles put in my way or I’d be made to pay at a later point. Even got to the point he’d be raging if I worked late. I don’t know if it was a kids thing and not wanting to do things equally or if he’d have gone like that anyway. Makes me sick to think what I endured.
Ps. Chalk paint is my new best friend 😊

[KIP.]

Yes I love the chalk paint. My friend was throwing out an old side table and I upscaled it to match the rest of my furniture. Oh what adventures we can have when we are free 💕 nothing stopping us now x

[Empoweredhealing]

Oh Hetty, these dark days won’t last forever, I promise. In the early weeks, I was completely incapacitated, crying all the time and having panic attacks. It was like going through drug withdrawal. Now, I go to bed and wake up feeling so happy and blessed. I love the present and have so much hope for the future. This couldn’t be possible if I had stayed in the abuse. Abuse is an inexorable downward spiral.
You are doing the right thing! And you can do this!

[Hetty]

I felt great initially. Totally empowered and didn’t shed a tear for weeks. Then just before Christmas I totally spiralled and was paralysed with anxiety and just the worst emotional pain. I know it’s not actually w lot to do with my ex and more to do with all the stuff I was trying to deal with before he came along. Onwards and upwards xx

[Empoweredhealing]

I totally know what you mean. I went to therapy and started working through some childhood experiences that I didn’t know were still affecting me. It turns out to be a really healthy thing because working on recovery from abuse also helped me understand my childhood and my relationship patterns better too.
So what’s coming up for you, even if it’s not directly related to your ex, is meant to be dealt with. Have patience and kindness for yourself and your inner child. I think you may achieve more complete healing not only from the relationship but other hidden pain as well. You are doing great!

[KIP.]

I felt great initially too. Euphoria. But after a couple of weeks my brain started to process the abuse and the PTSD kicked in. Then starts the recovery process. I think we actually move on quite quickly from our abusers but it’s the trauma they leave us with that’s more difficult x that trauma often triggers old trauma too x

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