Small steps forwards to a new life … but why is it to so hard?

[Glimmeroflight]

Hello,

I’m new to this site and wanted to say hello and also get some advice on how to start rebuilding my life after many years of abuse, both psychological/emotional and physical.

I left my abuser for good in (detail removed by Moderator) this year and now have the freedom and life I had longed for and dreamed of for many years, so why am I finding it so difficult to adjust to my new positive life?

I now live in my own flat with my two wonderful rescued doggies who I love so much and have kept me sane in the very darkest of times, I have managed to secure a job which I love and I am very good at, but still I’m struggling, particularly when I’m on my own and I often feel anxious, scared and unable to trust (other people but mostly myself). Every day I try to take small, positive steps forwards but it’s like wading through treacle! Can anyone give me any tips? What can I do to help myself? Are there any self-help books anyone can recommend and should I have counselling? I currently do a lot of walking (my dogs and also to and from work) and I love doing my dancing and yoga DVDs (I have very little money to go out and socialise), plus I am also creative (I love writing and painting) but am finding it so hard to relax when I’m on my own. Any suggestions would be very greatly appreciated. Thank you.

[EeyoreNoMore]

Hey, welcome!

For me personally, reading “Why Does He Do That” by Lundy Bancroft was a huge help.

Then finding out as much as possible about DV helped, following on social media and listening to podcasts, helps me get it all straight in my head.

[Glimmeroflight]

Thank you both eeyorenomore and confused123, I will look for that book and you are right eeyorenomore the more I find out about domestic violence/abuse and the after effects of it, the more I start to understand that I am not going mad but my feelings are natural reactions to a long period of control, and I will see if I can get some counselling sorted out confused123 and I think you are right, I need to rebuild and rediscover myself again as I had to bury the real me so deep inside of me just to get through each abusive day, I am not sure who the real me is anymore, and sometimes I feel like an empty shell. Plus chatting to people like yourselves who have been in similar situations and who understand how I am feeling really helps as I no longer feel so alone. Thanks a lot.

[Confused123]

Hey Hun

Take small steps to rebuild and rediscover yourself again, sounds like u doing well,start of with small walks, read up on abuse and actually take counselling up , do exercise in your house

[Glimmeroflight]

Thank you both eeyorenomore and confused123, I will look for that book and you are right eeyorenomore the more I find out about domestic violence/abuse and the after effects of it, the more I start to understand that I am not going mad but my feelings are natural reactions to a long period of control, and I will see if I can get some counselling sorted out confused123 and I think you are right, I need to rebuild and rediscover myself again as I had to bury the real me so deep inside of me just to get through each abusive day, I am not sure who the real me is anymore, and sometimes I feel like an empty shell. Plus chatting to people like yourselves who have been in similar situations and who understand how I am feeling really helps as I no longer feel so alone. Thanks a lot.

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