So alone

[Secret6]

I have nobody. Only him. I am isolated from family and have been for years. I have no friends and never speak to anyone without him there. I allowed all this to happen over the years and feel so stupid. I am never anywhere I can make a call and can only snatch brief moments online.
Even finding things like birth cert. is so hard because he is never out and if I go in a room he wants to know why. It sounds so pathetic. We are both retired. Together All the time. He thinks we’re happy and I am dying inside. I tried to reach out to some family over Christmas and have been rejected. One of them has blocked me, it is devastating. I feel so very alone and sad and I want to leave so much.
Has anyone in my situation succeeded and how did you do it?
I have tried webchat a couple of times but nobody answers and then I have to go

[minimeerkat]

i was in exactly the same position you are in re: family & friends. i think a lot of us ended up isolated from these important relationships
and i am so sorry that you have been rejected by a family member as this is bound to knock your confidence when you are already feeling so low
but keep going. keep doing as much as you can when you can. try as hard as you can not to feel impatient & frustrated. because you will get there due to your determination – you know what you dont want anymore
you have a goal now, you can see that there is a light at the end of the tunnel. just see if each day brings those chances for you to keep putting together important things you will need
there will be a time when the webchat works out – did you ever manage to email them
this forum is full of support & kindness which will help you feel less alone x

[Secret6]

You are absolutely right and of course I know you are. I think I just needed to vent. I do have a goal and I will get back on track. I think I just need to take a day or too to reset, and that’s fine.
Thankyou for being here

[sweet4]

Me to very isolated, i have no friends, or relatives, i never receive calls or texts.xx

[Secret6]

So sorry you are experiencing this it is so very difficult

[sweet4]

Sad life and thank you xx

[browneyedmum]

Admittedly, I was feeling lonely and missing my ex today. But I quickly squashed those feelings by going and cooking an excellent breakfast for the kids, and then started deep cleaning the house… trying to reframe doing all that work as “re-claiming my space”.

I remember all of the times when he was still here and he’d smile at me and I felt the very same way as you: “I’m dying inside… he doesn’t care how miserable he is and how he’s spread it to me” and “This is not the life I signed up for”

I’m estranged from my family back home (for very good reasons). I’ve been messaging a couple of friends to wish them Happy New Years.

And I had a couple of friends who knows about my situation message me out of the blue to check up on me. I was surprised when they messaged… I figured they needed a few days off so that they’re not looking at my griping about the next worse thing my ex is doing … my ex has been doing very well at surprising me with the depth of his selfishness.

I think I’d feel much more lonely if I didn’t have the children with me. They’re off to their dad’s now (fed up with me deep cleaning, “hey! I just mopped there!”) and I’ve got a nice dinner planned for the kids tonight– one of their favourites.

So yeah, a bit lonely and then just trying to figure out what I like, what I *want* to do… which isn’t easy to do when being denied that for so long. Its like forgetting what its like to have interests of one’s own without always being sucked into the needs of the ex.

Sending you love and strength, @Secret6 xX.

[Secret6]

Yes, I have totally lost myself over the years. I think if someone actually asked me what I wanted to do I wouldn’t actually know! My partner somehow manages to make a big deal of asking for my opinions(“don’t you have a mind of your own?!) and then rubbishing them. So wearing. I’m so lonely now, with him here, that I actually long for a different kind of loneliness in the future.

[browneyedmum]

Oh tell me about it! Among the most frustrating things about my ex —

Him: “I’d like your opinion on this. We’re equals here.”

Me: I give my opinion and its contrary to what he wants to hear.

Him: “You’re not listening to me! You’re being rude!” … and then he goes and does what he wants anyways.

—-

And then he tries to act so ‘woke’ about women’s issues.

/sigh

And I think I sorta get about the lonely you feel now vs a different kind of loneliness. Personally, I choose the later. Its one thing to live with someone who’s meant to be your soul mate and live with your needs ignored. And its another thing when you’re the soul person there.

Sending love and strength xX.

[Darknessallaround]

I’m in a similar position. I have a couple of friends whom I never see, and no family at all. Just him.
I can definitely relate to all the comments here.
No longer know who I am or what I want. Feel like my opinions don’t matter because he’ll do whatever he wants anyway. Easier go along with it to keep the peace.
Dying inside…. Feel like I’m already dead, emotionally at least, just waiting for the body to catch up.

[Secret6]

Yes, I feel so similar. I really want to gather strength this year. Before it’s too late for me. I so hope I can and I hope maybe you can too

[Anonymous]

I honestly believe when the time is right it is right.
Wether we have any plan in place or not.i had no plan I’m place .I’d never even thought of leaving .i snapped and I left and somehow I have managed to stay gone.
All I’m saying is when the time is right wether u find the support as soon as ur gone it is there.contact woman’s aid.write on here am sure ppl will support u. U are worthy and leaving is possible no matter how hard it seems

[Secret6]

How did you finally do it though? Did you leave with absolutely nothing? Where did you go? How did you find somewhere to go? How did you get somewhere to live? I don’t seem to be able to find the answers to these questions and I feel like I am going insane.
I feel so alone and desperate

[Anonymous]

I left with the clothes I had on my back.no money or anything.I ended up in refuge through women’s aid. From there they helped through the council to get my own place.i hadn’t worked in years bringing up my girls and looking back my husband didn’t allow me to work.i found a job once I had my own place.womens aid also put in place am not sure what it’s called but what looked like a phone so that if my husband came anywere near me if I pressed it the police would be able to get to me and help.
Hope this helps

[Secret6]

Thank you

[Stargazing1]

I feel very lonely too . The last time I thought about leaving my grown up kids said I would be wrong to leave him . I do think recently they have been seeing the side I see but I’ve not said anything too them about leaving him yet . I too have no family and unfortunately friends have always sided with other friends and I always got left behind. So even though I’ve had a little conversation with my son I didn’t tell him the whole story because some of the abuse that is shouted towards me is pulling down my son . I couldn’t tell him of the awful stuff he was saying. So forums like this are a life line for me . My heart goes out to anyone else who’s isolated from family and friends 🧡. It’s very difficult when everything is burdened on one person’s shoulders. Sending GIGANTIC BIG HUGS TO EACH AND EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOU.

[Ricepudding]

I’m feeling very lonely at the moment he has isolated me from family and friend I go to work but I am with colleagues but I feel alone in my thought a troubles. I am surrounded by people but very lonely.

[sweet4]

Me to, no job, no relatives, no friends, and it sucks.I do have adult kids, but they dont live hear anymore, and get on with their own lives, but it hurts me, as they know about my life and the dont do anything about it.😒

[Stargazing1]

As each day passes I feel more and more lonely. I can’t talk to my son because he goes a round about way of saying things to the husband that I didn’t want him to say . Nothing too bad but enough for the husband too let me know something has been said and my daughter is too busy with her Job and only wants to hear good news not bad . My outer family are almost non existent so it’s just me carrying all the burden. I can’t wait to hear from the support team.

[Stargazing1]

I’ve got to a stage where I hardly talk . If I do talk it’s very little. I make sure all the conversations are about him because many times in the past he’s slated me for talking about other stuff so I’ve decided to keep the conversations about him . I dare not speak about things that will wind him up . It could be a sign that it’s not working.

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