So angry, can’t wait to be free

[Lostgirlgames]

I know I don’t have it as bad as some others do.. I’m kind of new to this forum but I’m feeling so angry at the moment because of how imprisoned I feel. I was just told that as usual I don’t keep him informed on what I do on my phone. I have no privacy, I have no excuse to leave the house and I can’t even have a journal because he found my last one and tore out all the pages where I was keeping a log of everything..I’m so upset (detail removed by Moderator).. I know I need to work on my anger but I can’t help this feeling of wanting to explode but having too much fear to do so .

[Strongenough]

I can relate to your post a lot. When I was in my abusive relationship it was like an invisible prison. Phone monitored, mileage on car monitored, timed when I went to supermarket etc I could write a book of his “rules”. I hated my life and him in so many ways. I used to be angry and moody to others and all because I was too scared to direct my anger at my abuser.

You sound like you live in a pressurised environment so it’s no wonder you have these angry feelings. Please don’t compare your abuse as not as bad as others, it’s bad for you and you don’t deserve it. Coercive Control is a horrible way to live. I wish you all the strength to get through your feelings and situation, take care x

[Lostgirlgames]

Thank you that means a lot. He’s physically, emotionally, and psychologically abusive but on a daily basis and on the good days if I don’t do what HE wants, he’ll get angry but it gets turned around to me and I’m the one who does whatever I want and I’m the one who always gets my way. Sometimes I feel like just leaving but there are so many factors that play in that just make me feel stuck. My parents care so much about reconciliation and I just want everything to be done.. thanks for listening to me rant, I don’t know what decision to make but having this forum is very comforting .

[Ariadne]

Hi @Lostgirlgames,

You mentioned in your post something that stuck with me: “I know I don’t have it as bad as some others do…”. Your experience is just as valid, and from what you mention in both your post and your reply, you are dealing with A LOT. So don’t diminish your experience. And take care of yourself!

[nbumblebee]

If he hurts you in any way sweetie then you have every right to be angry and here.
You should not compare yourself to others if it hurts you then its valid.
Not every day is bad thats how they keep us here.
I cant keep a journal either as he will see it so i send it to a counsellor who keeps it for me should i ever need to look back. There are pwople out there that will understand and can help if you choose to reach out and ask.
You stay safe and look after you x*x

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