So close yet so far

[@Listeningear]

Hi Ladies,

I’ve visited the forum several times in order to be able to cope with the mayhem going on in my life just seeing the support you give each other is amazing and also hearing positive stories despite the struggles and ridiculously hard situations we go through daily.

I’m on the verge of leaving my relationship and getting a divorce but I’ve hit a ‘nice’ patch and it is making it a lot harder to plan things and go. I spend most days when things are ‘good’ wondering whether imagining the emotional abuse I go through daily for weeks on end I start to think what’s happened in the past is normal behaviour and all couples have rough patches which is wrong but I try and justify it as we now have a 3 month old baby and when I see them together on a ‘good’ day it pulls on my heart-strings.

I’ve been in my relationship for (detail removed by moderator) and 7-8 of them I’ve experienced emotional abuse of various levels but since we married (detail removed by moderator) a go it’s gotten steadily worse and now with a baby almost impossible to cope with.

I walk on eggshells daily scared that what I may say or do will set off a long rant or off the cuff negative comments where my self esteem gets pounded and I’m made to feel worthless, last year I almost committed suicide as I couldn’t cope anymore. I spend all my time pleasing him to the point I’m like a servant, single mum and living on the edge daily. Every time I try and get out of this relationship I’m sucked back in!

Although becoming a mum has healed some of my hurt and pain as now I can love and feel love in return it has increased the abuse as its another way to criticise me, control me and a lot of the time make me feel like I’m an unfit mum. He also has a very short fuse with the baby crying which means I can’t leave the house most weekends on my own out if fear
Or because I’m told not to which makes me stir crazy and being a new mum means 30mins to myself would be lovely!

My family are very supporting and are trying to understand but also feel sorry for my husband as he will be left with nothing and want to try and be there for him post divorce which sets off my guilt again of leaving and makes me cross as I feel like they are trying to empathise with him.

Ladies please give me the confidence to look past this ‘nice’ phase and be able to have the courage to go!

Thanks for listening X

[Confused123]

HI HUn

THink u answered your own question by stating how long this has been going on and has worsened. Please do youprseklf and your child a favo0ur and leavee this man, we are not responsible for them, and i cant beleive your family said he will be left with nothing, well who told him to behave that way, my family were same but his such a nice guy, wasnt so nicie when he was beating me up yet they still couldnt de attach from him. Time comes in life u have to think about yourself and your child, call the help line and get the support and guidance u need, anyway that gives u negative advise stay away from them even if its your own family and stick to your decision. When i left ex all i said was no, to everyone constantly not going back, trust your gut. This good patch is just a phase , i think they do it on purpose to confuse us

[EeyoreNoMore]

Heya, it’s really common for things to get worse after marriage and then worse again when you are pregnant.

The good times are totally a trap to keep us there so we put up with the bad times. The good times are fake. When things start to go downhill again, which, let’s be honest here is inevitable, write down what he says. Write down how you feel. Figure out if this is really the environment you want to bring your baby up in.

Where do you draw the line: do you leave when he shouts at you; when he slaps you; when he punches you; when your self esteem is so low you’re convinced you cant function without him; when you think you’re a rubbish mum?

The time to leave is now. You can totally do this. Read read and read. His pattern of behaviour is so textbook.

Reach out to WA, family, friends, anyone. Go. xx

[changes4thebetter]

I totally agree with eeyorenomore. And although i feel the same as urself when things are good speaking from my experience walk before he uses your baby as a way to drag you down further. Im currently in the situation where ive been put down with my kids and made to feel like a rubbish mum and it makes it hard to leave because you begin to doubt urself and your capabilities as a parent and worry about being on your own with your children .

[Freetobethegreatest]

I wish i had left when my first was only young. It gets so much harder when they get older. My sons love their daddy. In their eyes he cant do anything wrong. Obviously this makes it harder for me to leave because it will break their hearts. It took me a long time to realise what i was experienceing was abuse. When we met and lived at his mums there was signs (control, jealousy, anger) when we got our own place it got worse (walking on egg shells, cant do anything right, not wanting me to see my Family) but when i got pregnant it washing the worse and has slowly got worse. I was an idiot and had a second baby with him. Obviously i dont regret it as i love my sons but i shouldnt have had kids with a man like him. I hate the thought of having him stuck in my life forever

[Confused123]

HI HUn

I used to the same why didnt i leave when i only had one kid with him, it odesnt matter when u leave there is never a right time, just leave knowing that if u dont u will cause emotional hurt to yourself more

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