So confused

[TC]

Now DVPO is over he turned up (detail removed by Moderator) (though he’d broken it anyway just never before it was dark) with flowers and chocolates and saying he knew he had made mistakes and was sorry and wanted to sort it all out and make it ok. Part of me so wants to believe him but he won’t let me speak to or see people, he’s said if I want to make it with him I have to leave my job. I’ve changed names on my phone because he doesn’t like how close I am with friends and hates if I tell them things. I really thought for a few seconds (detail removed by Moderator) that we might be able to sort things but he got really violent again, forced me to have sex as he’s entitled as my husband and then told me to sleep on the floor so I didn’t disturb him as he was tired. He’s told family that I’m having a breakdown due to working too hard so he’s suggested I leave work for my own benefit, he’s also told them he’s worried I’m drinking too much – I don’t drink at all, he does and is always worse when he has, much less controlled and a lot less careful about where he marks me. He got worse after we got married and he was made redundant but we are meant to be buying a new house and I guess I’m worried about the implications of that. I love him but I’m also scared of him.
He’s said he is moving back (detail removed by Moderator) and I can’t work out what I want.
I’m so confused and don’t know what to do

[Rosemary]

Hello Idiot
Sorry to here what your going thought my advice
Would be really think what you really want in life
I was told once a man is abusive and controling they never change . I really feel for you as my partner is the same and never changed over the years even I am scared to even leave him thinking what i will go thought if i ever left him. You go with your own feelings of what you what to do not what his telling you that he wants .he needs to take your feelings in to consideration I find my partner dont take mine in to consideration at all
It’s all about him all the time . My partner made me feel I had no choice to have sex with him which makes me feel uncomfortable even he wakes me up out of my sleep I find it hard to sleep and when I fall asleep he wakes me up for his own needs it’s not right. We both need to feel comfortable not to feel pressured to do something if we dont feel like it . I think it be a good idea to talk with
A counsellor they can give you support and advice
It’s so hard when you love someone but also there ways get you down by being abusive and controling.
Sending you hugs I hope you get the help you need
Remember your never alone

[KIP.]

This man has raped you. Abuse always gets worse. Please ring the police and report his behaviour. Talk to your local women’s aid. Google trauma bonding. He doesn’t love you and no amount of loving him will stop his despicable cowardly abuse.

[Lifeinterrupted]

I can only reiterate what KIP said. He is a textbook abuser. He is smearing your name with others to control you, because he knows a bit if you has seen through him and he wants to take away your support network. You are so trauma bonded, you are bound to feel confused. He has given you a glimpse of the person you want him to be, but then snatched that hope away from you.

What he did to you was rape. You are not in any way to blame, he chooses to do these things to you. You shouldn’t have to be with someone who scares you. Please, please report him, contact domestic abuse services and get dome real practical support. These men never change.

[TC]

Where do I find the strength to do that? Am so scared of every one and everything. I don’t know who if anyone I can trust

[TC]

If he wants it he will do it anyway. We’re married he is allowed

[Anonymous]

Hello,
I very much felt the same as you, my ex would have me believe its his ‘right’. But it’s not a right. You have the right the say no and to say when and where. I hope you find the strength to leave because it will only get worse. You are worth so much more.
Xx

[Hawthorn]

Dear I,

You have had the strength to endure the abuse and the strength to reach out here. Muster all your energy and reach out again. Womens aid will support you, rape crisis will support you. It doesnt matter that you are married, he is not allowed to rape you. Marital rape is a crime. And the other ladies are sadly right, what is doing is rape. He is breaking the law. The police will help you too, you could phone the domestic abuse line on 101. Please phone 999 if he turns up again, he is extremely abusive and dangerous.

No one deserves the awful abuse you are being subjected to. This is not your fault. Please try to be kind to yourself. You are not an idiot. You are a kind person who loved the wrong man, and that man is hurting you. You can escape this, you dont have to keep living with him hurting you. There are lots of organisations and people who will help you, please reach out.xx

[Author]

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